Hanis' Lunches

In an effort to be healthier and save money, I bring my own lunch every Monday to Thursday. Not on Friday because I usually have lunch with friends then.

Sometimes, I bring breakfast as well but somehow I lack the interest to think what to cook for breakfast because somewhere in my mind I keep thinking eggs and bacon.

People been asking me how I manage to bring packed, healthy-ish food for lunch and 90% of the initial conversation goes like this:

"Oh, you bring lunch from home?"

"Yeap *takes a bite*"

"You live with your parents, right?"

"Yeap."

"So lucky, your mother cooks for you. That's why you can bring food from home."

"Erm."

"Its hard working and then going back to cook."

"Actually, I cooked all of the packed lunches."

"No way."

"I do,"

"Does your mom not cook?"

The last question is such an insult. Perhaps these people (mostly women in their 30's with a handful of kids at home) grew up in a dictator's kitchen where you may only eat what the Mother made.

Mama cooks, nearly every day unless its the weekend (where the parents tend to go out and leave the children to fend for themselves) or when she is sick/tired/not in the mood.

I do eat, what she cook. And if I don't feel like eating, I am free to cook what I want, provided that I clean up every single surface used.

Sometimes, I even cook for the family.

Once people finally accepts that it is I who made the lunches, they'll ask me how do I manage to.

Basically by planning ahead, cook in batches and keep the menu interesting.

Okay, there are way more details that deserve their own posts. Hence, the birth of:

HANIS' LUNCHES

What you can expect:
-When to Plan
-When to Cook
-Healthier-ish Replacements 101
-Cooking in Batches
-Multi Task Dish
-Cooking Up Excitement
-Recipes here and there.

Not that there's many, but still perhaps enough to give you at least couple of weeks(8 days worth) of unique lunches.

Confession No. 66

Its 9 minutes to midnight and I wish you are here with me, fingers reaching in the space between us for the warmth I have aplenty.

I wish I can feel your grip, in the spaces between my fingers, or the emptiness woven in my soul. To close my eyes and be sure of your presence, even with the distance between us.

Its 5 minutes to midnight and I wish you are talking to me as I curl up under the soft blanket. To hear your voice telling me of the most mundane plans, of the most desired feelings.

I wish I can hear that connection in your voice, the tremble that lay underneath your words and laughter. To be able to detect the emotions, as I fall asleep slowly with the sun high above your head.

Its 2 minutes to midnight and I wish for this yearning of an unknown person to leave me. So I can stretch these limbs and not feel as if I am missing a piece of myself.

I wish I don't have to wait for much longer, for the exact moment you say my name in such a way that leaves me breathless. With realisation that the time has come. That the wait is over.

Its 2 minutes past midnight and I wish slumber upon me.

Go to sleep, my dear. For the wait is not ending tonight.

Perhaps, tomorrow.

Guest Post: Kashaf Asim on Ramadan

A week ago, I asked Kashaf Asim to write a guest post me after I read one written by her. And she said yes, and got onto quite a qood topic and emailed it to me earlier today. 

I assure you she will read the comments here, and would appreciate if you go on to her blog afterwards.


Ramadan always has held a special place in my heart. I’ve waited for it and conversed about it with my friends for hours. When I was a child, I used to read about Ramadan before the Partition and it enthralled me. I’ve always accepted tones of sepia more readily than my present and I wanted Ramadan in my home to be as truly magical and serene as it was back in simpler times. That obviously resulted in hapless pleas to my mother to make Sahoor and Iftaar the epitome of desi food. And that’s what I tried to do last year when I was finally old enough to manage the kitchen before waking up my parents from their slumber for Sahoor.

Ramadan is truly gratifying month and it makes me constantly remind that whatever bad I do; it’s on me. It is my deceitful nature; something which I cannot shove upon Shaitaan. I’ve made plethora of promises to myself in this month and even though I’m unable to keep them throughout the year; I’m glad that I do end up being a changed person after every time this month ends.

Since last year; I’ve began to realize the true essence of Ramadan. For me this month of blessing isn’t anymore about consuming lavish cultural food or sleeping throughout the day while fasting. Ramadan for me is now about renewing the connection with our Lord. It’s about reinstating my ties with Him. Last year when I went through a serious phase of depression during this month, I realized how very forgiving Allah is; the epitome of mercifulness. Whenever I sat down on the prayer mat to thank Him for His blessings it horrified me to think that I could never ever thank for each and every blessing bestowed upon an undeserving me. He truly loves each and every one of us. The month of Ramadan is the month when I truly feel Him around me, listening to every prayer I make and being ever aware of the smallest tear I shed. The rest of the year; for me is to maintain the connection I’ve made with our Lord but every year I fail. This year, I firmly resolve to maintain it and push aside the worldly frivolities. If He is there then I don’t need anyone else. He knows what’s best for me.

I feel I couldn’t have been better prepared for this month than now. I’m going through a hard time, fighting inner battles and it feels as if my heart is fading away. The month of blessings starts fromtoday in Pakistan and I’m so very excited yet grieved as my nation is fighting with its own people. Times are hard everywhere and hence, let’s pray frivolously for our fellow brothers and sisters who are away from their homes and beloveds. Let’s pray that this Ramadan is a truly gratifying experience for them and us and let’s pray that the strength of the Muslim Ummah is renewed after this Ramadan.

Ramadan Mubarak to all my fellow Muslims!

Kashaf Asim a.k.a Cogitated Birdie is an avid procrastinator and a shameless stalker. She is lover of tea and paani puri and resides in Karachi, Pakistan. She is currently studying pre-medical and is in the pursuit of reviving her love for Urdu and Pakistani heritage

Confession No.65

There's an ache in the corners of my bones

weights that anchor my limbs down

sewn into the hemline of my soul

spreading my being wide 

to the darkness that hides in the light.

The Green Tea Latte Experience.

I'm currently on a green tea latte phase whereby I try to taste the drink at any establishment that I visit and has that on the menu.

It started with my first taste of green tea ice cream which was heaven to my tastebuds. I then decided to try green tea latte, because its easier to get compare to the ice cream.

First Drink

Place: Chatime - A well known milk tea chain that serves milk tea, coffee and juices.

Name: Matcha Tea Latte

Size: Large

Price: RM7.90

Special Requests: 0% sugar

Taste: Lacking in creamyness, leaving a slight aftertaste of seaweed

Rating: 3.75/5.00

Remarks: Would buy it again, if its nearby when I am hit by a craving.

Second Drink

Place: Starbucks- that coffee chain we all know about.

Name: Green Tea Latte

Size: Grande (Medium)

Price: Around RM12-RM14 because I used a Starbucks tumbler which cut off RM2 from the price.

Special Requests: Skinny aka low fat milk

Taste: The matcha taste is strong but very very sweet for me. Every sip felt like giving my taste buds a milk and honey bath.

Rating: 2.00/5.00

Remarks: I have heard how this drink is hard to make it taste good and that it differs from each of its store. Maybe the one I went to was a bit heavy handed with some ingredients, as I once ordered a plain latte there and it was too milky.

Third Drink

Place: J.Co's Donuts- It used to sell just donuts but then expanded into coffee and froyo.

Name: Green Tea Latte

Size: Uno (Small I think)

Price: RM12- Include tax and a free glazed donut.

Special Requests: None, cause they don't have any options.

Taste- Creamy, not sweet and yummy.

Rating: 4.50/5.00

Remarks: I would definitely buy this again. The J.Co near my house would probably recognise me in few months' time as the girl who comes in to read on her Kindle while sipping on that green drink.

Funny note:

"Can I have an Iced Green Tea Latte?"

"Sure. What size?"

"Uno. Does it has sugar in it?"

"Erm .. it comes with the milk?"

"I mean, additional sugar."

"Well, you can add that at the pick up counter."

"Okay. And does it come with whip cream?"

"No?"

"And your milk is only one type?"

"... yes?"

"Okay, how much is it?"

God. I have become that person.

Opinion: Children and Religion.

Most people are born into a religion, taught of the ways for that particular religion and stay in that one till they die. From cradle to grave.

But there are people who deviate from that somewhat straight path. Some are born into a "liberal" family that believes a child should be given a choice in what religion they wish to practice. This would lead to a childhood of learning various religions hence giving them a good basis to choose from.

Mozart asked me what do I think would be a better way.

First note: I am not waving a flag telling you to convert into another religion.

Second note: I believe in religious freedom.

My personal belief is that a child is born into a religion but with the freedom of learning about the others on their own initiative. And upon reaching adulthood, they should be given the option to convert, if they want to.

I do not think most parents are equipped for the second option because I doubt they can be that impartial or knowledgeable. They will find it hard to not favour one religion over another.

Yes, there will be the exceptions but not many.

I remember someone mentioning to me how in Indonesia you can have parents that practice different religions. And upon reaching adulthood, the kid can choose. That person went on to say how religion A involves singing (which somehow represents fun) while B involves being scolded for not reciting the holy book properly or skipping prayers. This would definitely make someone choose A over B.

Third note: If anyone can confirm if the above practice is true in Indonesia, or not, do leave a comment.

My thoughts: If someone is as easily influenced by such trivial matters, do you even want them to eventually be a representative of your religion?

But it also proves my belief that a child should be born into a certain religion but with the freedom to learn and choose later on when they are mature and with knowledge.

After all, my religion is supposed to be about free will. Not about force, right?

To Write.

This was asked for by Launna, who is perhaps the sweetest lady for always reading and commenting on my posts. She asked me two things and sadly, the first one was something I couldn't answer. But this one, is for her even though its not much of an opinion. 


"Have you always wanted to write?"

No. Because it has only been 11 years since I started writing and that is not even half of my life.

I started writing when I was 14, giving up my doodles of outfits for words that weren't as superficial as drawing a dress that seemed pretty on someone with a perfect curve ratio.

I wrote extensively when I was 16-17, thanks to the world of fanfiction and Harry Potter. I ventured into original fiction while in college and since then, I never looked back.

If you ask me, the perfect career would be of me being a co-owner of a cafe that helps with the baking/cooking before retreating to sit at my favourite table with a tall glass of iced latte so I can work on my book.

I want to be a writer, I want to be read, I want to be quoted one day when I am no longer alive.

Wouldn't that be grand? To live in the memories of your readers? People who read those words you written a generation ago.

To live longer than physically possible.

Opinions, Opinions. Do Pick One.

I have opinions on few handfuls of topic, but definitely not politics and anything war-related. The latter is perhaps due to something inside of me not being able to swallow the horrible reality. The former, I have quite a cold opinion of it but since I can't find the interest in me, it’s not much.

So.

If I do have any readers left, are there any topics you would like to read me blog about? If you ask me what I think of politics, it would probably be an interesting post from someone who lacks interest.

If I find myself unable to give an opinion on a topic, I shall be honest and tell you in a nice apology email/comment.

But if the topic you ask for is one I do have an opinion about, you'll get to read a post on it.

Please, comment or email me at hanis-is-gorgeous@hotmail.com. To make it safe, send me more than one topic.

Thank you.

Oh yes, do not ask me what I think of the recession/currency/price of gold/the theme park in North Korea.

Wanted: A Muse.

Wanted: A muse

Job description:

To stir up the depth of my creativity and make it glow in the darkest hour of my soul with fragments of hope and glimmer of forgotten dreams. To guide my hand as I shape the words and sentences that might just make someone in the future sigh in understanding upon reading.

This would not be something that will chain you to my writing desk while your years waste away on chocolate and sushi. From previous experiences, your service would last around a year and your contract shall ends the day I no longer feel inspired by you.

Requirements:

1. You must be capable of making me feel emotions that are destined to rob me of my tears. Unrequited, false hope, broken heart. Take that heart and mangle it around so the beads of creativity can trickle down my arms.

2. Be intelligent, for that is the thing that robs my knees of the capability to hold me straight, robs my mind of my independent thoughts and the restraint upon my creativity.

3. Be fluent in English. And has interest in reading. Though I have never shown my previous muses what I wrote, I know there is a chance in the future they might stumble onto the writings and read them.

Why You Should Apply:

1. If successful, you would be the third muse in my 11 years of writing, therefore guaranteeing you a special place in that dark corner of my heart even after your service is obsolete.

2. If successful, you could end up having a book dedicated to you (Muse no.2) or be the inspiration of the famous(among a small group of fans) Harry Potter fanfictions and be immortalised on the World Wide Web (Muse no.1).

3. If successful, it is a sign that you're a cut above the others as my previous muses have been different from an average, non muse individual.


Contact me at hanis-is-gorgeous@hotmail.com if you are interested in applying, or if you have someone in mind.


(Note: This is not a fully serious or fully satirical advertisement. The idea came to me this morning when I realised I haven't written for quite some time. Hence, this.)

What I Believe.

I believe He is Merciful.

I believe that He will have his own ways to punish the ones among us who ignored his teachings and commands. I believe that if He wants to, the punishment can come down upon us in this world, and not after death.

I believe in human's rights. Which encompasses men, women, transgender, children, heterosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals, asexuals and so on. I believe that we have the right to live our life the way we want to, provided we do not put harm on others.

I believe that being a certain orientation does not give me a golden ticket to heaven. Nor does being another orientation means a ticket to hell. I believe where we'll end up is decided by so many other factors. Remember the tale of the prostitute who ended up to heaven because she decided to give a thirsty dog some water? Who would have guesed.

Hudud, is a subject that brings out a lot in people.

Some get all holier-than-thou. Some feel vindictive. Some ignores it. And some, feel conflicted and ridiculed by the holier than thou ones.

Apparently, when your opinion is less favourable you'll get called a heretic.

Is it wrong to think that instead of stoning gay people to death, we should be understanding and fair? We can deal with it in two ways. Either we let them be, for He is the rightful one to punish them, not us. Or we can be understanding, acceptable and not tell them that the fire of hell is waiting for them. After all, you get more flies with honey than vinegar, right?

He is Merciful.
He is Fair.
He is Forgiving.

I believe.

What I Learned as a Trainee.

1. The moment I'm in a meeting, my body decides to check if its yawn function is still working. And it will test it out on "Tears in eyes" mode, numerous times. As long as the meeting is going on.

2. I rather come in before office hours, than going home way after office hours.

3. About lunch;

i)You'll eventually get fed up by the choice of food around you.

ii)You'll then realise that suddenly those mixed rice dishes will look yummy when you bring your own lunch.

iii)And when you decide to buy, your tongue will hate you because those dishes aren't that yummy.

4. Taking the longer walk to get to train A rather than taking train B to get to train A, will seem financially appealing after the first week.

5. It will rain heavily, when you decided to leave your umbrella at home.

6. Wearing sport shoes to wear for the commute will make your feet love you, but your outfit will hate those shoes.

7. You're so capable of taking two days to read a 50 page manual.

8. You're also capable of staring at a page for 15 minutes without taking another in, and you don't realise you're doing it.

9. Handbag? What handbag? I'll just bring a bagpack, and stuff everything in it.

10. Answering phones for the guy in front of you, who decided to take a smoking break, has never been scarier. Especially if its a customer on the other end.

11. Earphones. A must. Wear just one side.

12. Coffee, another must.

13. The office's cafeteria will be empty the week after payday, and full few days before or when its raining cats and dogs outside.

14. You either love making tables on Excel for no reason, or you wish death upon the person who created Excel.

15. You so get how the guy who coined the TGIF phrase was feeling.

16. You'll discover if you make friends for the sake of companionship, or friendship.

17. Women your mother's age, wants you to call them "Kak," (Older sister).

18. Sometimes, sleep is more important than eating during lunch.

19. Office politics? Stay away from me, please. I'm just a trainee.

20. Snacks. Snacks everywhere.

21. Keep a water bottle on your table. And some biscuits in the drawer. And an extra pair of shoes under the table. You might need them one day.

22. Some people are just that hostile. Don't take it personally.

23. Friday, is the least productive day of the week. Monday, the day with the highest rate of MCs.

24. Its the unexpected people who remember you few months later.

25. The last 30 minutes of the day, feels like an hour. Double that on Friday.

26. Some people, have perfected the art of acting productive. While reading the gossip section online.

27. Smile, to everyone. Who knows, that guy might just be the CEO.

28.When you're a permanent staff, you won't ignore the intern/trainee when you're giving out snacks or going out for lunch.

The Effects of Project Runway.

Things that people find suprising about me:

1. I adore Project Runway

2. I adore tv shows about women trying to find the perfect wedding dress.

3. I have a folder in my gallery full of pictures of wedding dresses.

4. I know there is a collection of wedding dresses inspired by Disney princesses.

Which is why when Mama came home last Sunday from the fabric store with these lovely fabrics for me; I went a bit crazy and chose the mustard and red.

I browsed Pinterest, searching for:

Muslimah fashion. Muslimah dresses. Muslimah fashionista

So many ideas.

I ignored that those clothes were modelled on women who only weigh half of what I do.

I remembered that I took a picture of a dress I saw in December. It was a combination of two things I adore: Mustard yellow and trench coat.

                       


But the store that made it only caters to non plus sizes, and said:

"We only have up till L"

In a snotty voice. While looking down their noses at me.

So I wondered if the fabric Mama bought would do, but I doubt so. I then opened my book and sketched how a dress can adapt trench coat-ness:

The collar. The two rows of buttons, tartan patterned in brown and beige.

I remembered the red fabric. Should I make it into another dress, or a baju kurung. Especially cause I just bought a royal purple A-line dress with pink white laces on the sleeves and plan to get another dress made from nude coloured fabric with some intricate designs on the sleeves and hem.

And then I started to think how to make the red outfit less plain. Laces. But not in the way they are used in dresses these days: Sleeves, hems and waistlines.

What if I trim the collar with lace, and then let the lace go down the line where buttons usually are and let it end in an arc around the waist?

White lace.

Shawls. What would match such redness. And such mustardness. Colour blocks.


GOD.

What is happening to me?

Ten Trials of Hanis.

Of course, the post's title is a  play on the famous Twelve Trials of Hercules.

Phase One
When: Window shopping for flight tickets.

1) Expensive tickets should equal to less time spent in transit, right? No. Apart from Turkish Airways and MAS, everyone else have to go to transit. And when they say transit, the average is 10 hours, each way.

2) Finding the perfect tickets aka Etihad with the lowest amount of transit (3 hours and 7 hours) for our proposed date. Mid October. But then, disaster struck, every Monday the price increased. From RM2059, it went up to RM2558. What to do, apart from pushing the trip back 2 weeks to get the cheaper price.


Phase Two
When: Buying tickets

3) Choosing the perfect seats. Perfect my foot. All I know is that I'm a frequent bathroom user. But sitting too close is not too appealing. 20 minutes of Google and hmm haw in front of a screen.

4) Done key-in and about to put in card details when I realised that the airline only accept credit card. Card I own with the limit more than total price? Debit card.

5) Daily limit on amount transferred from bank account to Paypal. Very nice lady at call centre tells me that I can top up(no fee) and send amount(fee) and both have different limits. Huzzah.

6) Try to pay. Paypal would not process payment. 9 minutes on the phone with Paypal guy (I swear he sounds European) with 5 being on hold. I listened to Boyzone's No Matter What twice. The guy is a saviour. Huzzah.

Phase Three
When: Booking the accomodation

7)A misunderstanding of prices. 

8)As prepayment is 25%, I decided to pay it all first, then friend can pay me back later. I went and withdraw money from my travel fund account, deposit into my debit card account and transfer to my Paypal. 

Before finding out since it involves another currency it would not take from my Paypal balance and instead, take straight from my debit card.

9) Tried transferring back money, found out it takes days and a fee. And my name on Paypal should be the same as my bank account. Guess who decided to register on Paypal using a short version of their long name? Me. And to change it, requires me faxing, not emailing certain documents.

10) Withdraw more money the next day, deposit into debit card. Tried making payment via paypal. Message: Your card has been declined by card issuer. Emailed card issuer. Received reply for message sent last week.

Called in, was told my card has been blocked. For god knows why. Had a report send it, told to wait for 15 mins. Finally, payment. Huzzah.

But the good thing is that I finally have made the arrangements needed for this trip.

Tickets. Accomodation. Now, all I need to do is:

1. Check if need vaccination
2. Check if need winter coat in November and if yes, if I can rent/borrow.
3. Research where to go. What to do. (Hamam aka Turkish bathhouse, here I come)
4. Check exchange rate history.
5. Travel insurance.
6. Medical insurance coverage.
7. Consulate or embassy for Malaysia.
8. Make a list of clothes to buy.
9. Save up for shopping money.

I actually enjoy doing all of this.

Confession No. 64

It was a year ago

that my heart fell out of its shelf

splattering onto my lap

dripping my dreams and wishes

soaking into the rough fabric

as my heart flutters against my fingertips.

Needed: Someone Who Knows.

I disappear again, but here I am, with a plea.

Well.

I'm planning to go to Istanbul in November. Early November because my initial plan of doing it mid October is spoiled by the increase of ticket's price and the more expensive accommodations.

But by delaying the trip for two weeks, I'll be able to save around 700 ringgit. Provided that I buy the tickets this week, in fear of those increasing as well.

So.

Based on my research, it would be cold-ish and rain-ish. But there are different opinions on the number of tourists by then. Some say it would be less, some say it would still be the same as the months before.

And being the control freak, I just love researching every single detail and planning it out.

Which is why I'm making a plea here.

If anyone reading this lives in Istanbul/Turkey or have been there or know anyone else who lives/has been there, do contact me via comments or hanis-is-gorgeous@hotmail.com

No, I'm not asking to be given free boarding. 

I think it would be easier if I can ask few people directly the questions regarding this upcoming trip rather than just relying it on Google.

Thank you.

Meaning of a Name.

Hanis the devout.

I grew up thinking that was what I should be. For I was told that the meaning of my name is to be devout, in the religious sense.

I waited for the calling, of the moment, or the pull, the urge, desire to reflect the meaning of my name.

But it never came. I tried to be. I failed.

But then, one day I decided to google the meaning of my name.

And oh what a difference two simple letters can make.



Hanisah the devout.

Hanis.

Hanis the.

Hanis the brave.



Now, doesn't that seem more suitable with me?

Oh Memory, Why Do You Torture Me So?

I've been blessed with amazing memory, that works in unique ways. No, I don't memorise or remember everything, but some things stand out.

I can remember the first time I talked to Eli, back in 2000. It was near the canteen, on these odd stone chairs during lunch.

The time I got a temporary glittery tattoo on my arm. In secret.

The last day at National Service.

That first night in college.

The first time I talked to Mamon, front row in a class in CS2.

That time a group of us watched UP during Ramadhan, before having iftar together eating otak otak (fish wrapped in leaves and grilled on charcoal).

The panic that buried itself in me the day before my Survival Modelling final. And the way I cried in the shower and on the phone to Mama because of that. (Got an A- for it, overreaction much?)

Coffee date.

You see how I tend to remember experiences, more than what I've read.

Its an interesting parlour trick to wow your friends and family. But there is a dark side to it, as usual.

Like the fact that I remember in 6 days, it will be a year I found myself talking to you and god, falling down into that pit full of snakes, that sparkled with promise from the top.

And all the other things that I realise, would make me seem creepy if I were to share it here.

Perhaps, to celebrate a year after sipping on perfection I shall arrange everything to how it was, a tremble in the air as I wait. Perhaps. Maybe. Possible.

25th Feb.

It is funny how life works. You have no clue what you want to do with it. But the moment you have settled for something, inspiration comes. 

And you think; This is what I want to do. 

24th Feb.

I have not neglected this outlet. I have just been busy; More like tired. Typing via a smartphone is not really fun, unless you already have the whole set of words in your mind. Every time I get a laptop in front of me, all my mind is telling me to do is to open a tab for 9gag, and another for Wikipedia.



I'm aware it has been more than a month since my last post. Ages since my last reply to comments. No wonder most of you aren't reading this anymore.



I read every new comment. I click the reply button but then, that voice in my mind tells me that a simple short reply would not be enough. And I put it off, telling myself I'll do it later. And as we all know, the thought starts to gather procastination dust.



I get ideas for new posts in my head, but they never come out right. Those creative pieces are done in mere minutes. Something that coffee and a muse can do.



To say how serious my tiredness/laziness has been is that I haven't had like, a proper long conversation with Mokesart for a long time. Weeks I think. He has been very understanding.



If it was me, I would have thought up of dramatic reasons behind this.



Every time I think of something creative to write, I'll be slightly reluctant. 95% chance of it being inspired by a certain person. Of longing. Of need. Of, oh god rejection. I'm not a broken record player, cause each of them reads differently. But between those lines is the same message.



"I hope you'll read this one day."



And there's a 95% chance you won't.



Unless I compile all of them, all of those prose, poetries, words, stories written with the whisper of your name running up my spine and send it to your inbox.



Never.



*a breath*



I wish to write here more often. But what about? Would any of you readers, amazing people, come forward with suggestions?



Would you smack an idea against my head, bring some senses into these fingers?



I need to write.



Or start a food based blog, cause it seems if I'm not cooking, I'm eating.

Confession No.63

are you out there

standing on a balcony

taking another drag 

from that damn nicotine stick

with love on your lips

hate in your eyes

magnified by the artificial rush.