Tuesday Thoughts.

Is This Weakness?

This is the last time I'm asking you this,

Put my name on the top of your list.

Today, I talked to a guy who comes to my mind when I listen to this song. I haven't talked to him for a while and I thought those feelings I had for him is dead. But nope. Every time I talk to him, this is how I feel.

I keep telling him that one day, I'll catch a plane to where he is.

He keep telling me that will be the first step to us being together.

This is the last time I'm asking you why,

You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

Tuesday Thoughts.

It Went Okay-ish.

"Next group to present ....*

Dup. Dup. Dup.

"Hmmm.."

Dupdupdupdup.

"Hanis."

"Shit."

Heads turned to look at our group. Applauses from friends, so "excited" for us. I gave a weak smile and made my way through the chairs, all occupied as I muttered a dozen excuse me's and sorry's before reaching the lecturer.

In a soft, practiced line I told her that there was some miscommunication and we don't have the required summary but we can hand it in as soon as we can today.

"Hand it in on Monday."

Which means the summary will only be done on Sunday night.

Change of plan: Proposal's deadline been changed from next week to the first day back from term break. Which means I'll be worried about school even during my mid term break.

Oh joy.

Two Camps.

Just in case you didn't notice, here's my latest story.



This evening, there will be a presentation session for Literature Review of all the students in my course who's doing their Final Year Project. We are perhaps the first batch doing this and you can just imagine chaos in all the preparation.

There's two camps.

One camp tells me that for the presentation of your Lit Review, its pretty simple where you only have to find points and references to answer the three main questions concerning your project.

What, why and how.

And we need to print out the slides, and give a copy to the each member of the panel of lecturers.

5 minutes presentation.

Easy, right?

I thought so until I heard what the other camp thought of the presentation.

According to them, we need to hand in the full Literature Review part of the proposal during today's presentation. And according to them, we will be bombarded with questions. Be treated like the spy caught behind enemy's lines.

I got pale listening to that.

I started to feel the fluttering of panic.

I took a deep breath, consulted with the first camp and made a plan with my group.

There won't be time for all 17 groups to present today so some will be doing so on Friday, 3pm. We'll finish our slides, make it snazzy and all but will just sit back and watch the others have a go.

If anyone from the first camp get a lecture on being too simple, we'll pray that we won't get called on so there will be time for us to redo our slides.

Good plan? Well, it relies on chance. But as Mamon said it, just present and keep your head high at the lecture then just make the corrections.

Sigh.

Wish me luck. I'll be taking a long much needed sleep once we're done with this presentation. And maybe a nice drink and anything that will de-stress me.




Once more, latest story.

This Week is a Month Long to Me.

My mid semester break starts next Wednesday and I think just to get to that day, I'll be on the verge of bursting into tears of frustation plenty of time. I don't know if the previous semesters I was more relaxed and better at ignoring the work I need to do or this semester, its just too heavy for me.

Let's see.

Everytime I get free time in my room, I'll be thinking of what I need to do.

Study for that professional exam in December which makes me get a tummyache at the thought of it. Dad has registered me for it and well, the cost of it makes me gulp. *coughs*151USD*coughs*

Do any reading, writing for my Final Year Project. I got enough things to whine about this particular project but for the sake of not wanting to blergh, I can't even say it, I'm not gonna post about it on here.

Write up my assignments which need tons of reading and searching. Why did I ever whined about my calculation-based work before? All this in-text citation and shit is a big big big pain in the ass for me.

Study, read up for other subjects aka the super neglected subjects.

And the deadlines.

This thursday, presentation on the FYP's lit review. My fear is that its going to be rejected by our supervisor in a meet-up later this day.

Next Tuesday, I need to submit two written reports on such such dry topics aka financial impacts of Malaysia Budget 2013 and issues about EPF and Pension. I've only written the first one, which is 60% crap and me just using my great writing and elaborating skills to increase the word count.

On the same day, the FYP's proposal need to be submitted which also, needed to be approved by our supervisor.

For next week's deadline, its actually from Tuesday till Thursday but I tell myself its Tuesday because it will make me do my work even more.

By the time the holiday starts, I'll be full of nerves. But ... thankfully Dad and Mama have something planned for this break.

This morning, I was up early and the family picked me up before heading to the place where you get your passport made/renewed.

Oooh, where am I going?

Rome.

NAH.

More like Universal Studios Singapore.

Go google it. And I'm going back to reading up journals. Tonight, I'll study for the exam for the first time in a week.

*groans*

Tuesday Thoughts.

My Two Cent on Dreams.

I don't mind dreams, as long as they're not nightmares or so weird that it creeps me out. 

The worst are the bad ones that seem so able to come true. 

Close at its heel are the ones that make me yearn for it to be true.

If only all my dreams can inspire to such heights.

Tuesday Thoughts.

Wishing the Best for Lil Bro.

Tomorrow, the lil brother will be sitting for his PMR, aka one of the three nationwide exams that students take at Form 3 aka 9th Grade. It is a collection of between 8-9 subjects which are spanned out 4-5 days.

Lil bro will be taking 8 subjects, where there will be about 12 papers because some of those subjects will have Paper 1 and Paper 2.

And remembering how it was me 8 years ago, I'm having a panic-ish attack on the behalf of lil bro. Yes, I'm that kind of sister.

Eight years ago, I was at the peak of my education prowess but I didn't know that at the time. I was a walking textbook for History and Geography. And I mean that because when someone ask me a question, I can flip open the textbook/revision book and show them the answer without reading. Or I can just go:

"its in Chapter 33, underneath the picture of the graph of civilization process."

In the end, I scored straight A's and became the pride of my family.

Knowing lil bro, I have high hopes that he will repeat the history.

He's the smart one aka he needs less work to get the same result as me.

So, here's to my lil bro.

A text I sent him:

"Good luck for tommorow. Don't over panic and try to make your writing a bit neater. You can do it."

I set my alarm for 6.30AM so I can wake up and give him a call before he goes to school.

Knowing how uplifting words can be before an important exam, I'll be doing that every morning. Even to just tell him to take a piece of candy or two in with him just in case those nerves makes him feel like throwing up.

Definition of Love: 4 Year Old Billy.

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."



 Billy, age 4

Depressing October.

Hello October.

October came with slight depression. This year's posts haven't really shown it but I'm someone who has phases where I'm happy at times but for a week or so every few months, I'll hate myself and everything I stand for.

These phases were rampant and intense two years ago aka the year No.3 happened. But thankfully, those phases became less frequent and I became a normal person for much longer.

Before, I would have dealt with my depression phase by listening to sad songs and crying into my pillow. This time around, I did something I've read and heard from many women.

Retail therapy.

According to Wiki, that is shopping with the primary purpose of improving the buyer's mood or disposition. 

I didn't went out with the soul purpose of buying things. I went out to buy my dinner. Yesterday, I had a hankering for KFC but since I was too lazy to go outside campus, I bought a meal of two piece of fried chicken and fries from the food court with an iced cappuccino drink that I've been liking since discovering last semester.

On my way back, I decided to let myself browse through the multiple stalls selling clothes, scarves and other things that make women take out their purse and money.

Near the end, a shawl caught my eye. Soft, silky. A light blush pink background with small hearts in blue, yellow and maroon. I should have checked if the colour went with my complexion but hey, retail therapy.

I bought it and went back to my room slightly better.

Today my depression was only a fraction of yesterday's. I went to buy dinner, this time letting myself splurge a bit with laksa (noodles), cappuccino and waffles with a chocolate spread.

I ordered the waffles before buying my drink and laksa. On the way back pay the waffle lady I let myself browse again. There's so many types and patterns but being me, it has to be a certain length, cut and width.

I paid for my dessert and was proud of myself for not succumbing to another bout of retail therapy when I saw the stall.

The stall selling purses aka lady wallets.

At the same moment my brain decided to remind me of a tip I read in a magazine some months ago.

"A bright purse will make it easier to find in the mysterious depths of your bag."

Thank you brain, for telling me that as I looked at a display table filled with purses in bright colours and patterns.

BOOM. Retail therapy.

I won't bore you guys about how I spent 10 minutes deciding. It came down to two choices. Both were the long kind and with colourful multiple inner pockets.

One was blue and shiny. 

The other had a black and cream leopard print.

Tick tock tick tock.

I am now the owner of a snazzy looking leopard print purse.

Now, to avoid those stalls tomorrow, in case I get tempted to buy that cardigan I saw...

On another topic, one of the things in Malaysia 2013 Budget is a 200 ringgit rebate for youths from the age of 21-30 with a monthly salary of at most 3000 ringgit. What rebate is that?

For a freaking smartphone.

Yes, somehow its a way to boost the economy. 

All I'm thinking is that next year, I'm going to get myself a S III. 

Do not tell me to go for iPhone.

Tuesday Thoughts.

Definition of Love: Aidan.

"Okay, got it! Have you ever had, like, a really bad toothache? One of those screaming ones where it's like electricity crackling up into your head and ears, it's so bad you can nearly see it? Yeah? Okay, convert that same intensity into love and that's how I feel about you."



Page 164, Anybody Out There by Marian Keyes.

All in a Saturday.

I spent quite the time in the kitchen today. Please, none of that Women in the kitchen jokes. Not much is as sexy as a guy who is comfortable cooking to me.

I woke up around 7 in the morning before making pancakes that required buttermilk. I instead mixed in 2 tablespoon of vinegar with a cup of milk. The  flat skillet sizzled with butter as I poured the mixture. When the pancake's raw side has formed bubbles, I flipped them. 10 small pancakes.

The parents went grocery shopping which takes them hours upon hours. So when Mama called around 11 to tell me to bake the frozen pizza in the freezer, it was not unexpected. I took the chance to make two small tuna pies.

Fill half the small caserole dish with the tuna mixture I made yesterday. Layer the top with a crab fillament roll under the layer of pastry. Frozen pastry of course. Bake in an oven after taking the pizza out. Slice the pizza, call lil brother down for lunch just in time to take a tuna pie out.

Lazed on the bed, reading another ebook as I look up a recipe for the best kind of cookies ever. Soft and chewy chocolate chip cookie. Just like the ones at Subway. My previous attempts have always been those hard and crispy type that Mama loves.

At 2.30, I went back to the kitchen and pulled out the mixer from its blue box. Measuring the butter, light brown sugar and white sugar (with the sugars halved from the recipe's measurement), I set the mixer on medium so they'll get all light and fluffy. Which is pretty much impossible for me.

Measure out the flour and baking soda, set those aside. Crack 3 eggs into the mixer and add in 3 teaspoons of vanilla extract. Let the mixer run for another minute before killing the power. Add the flour and baking soda, mixing it with a big big spoon. Add in 2 cups of chocolate chips. Yes, 2 cups. Hell a lot of chocolate chips.

Mix mix.

Cover, keep in fridge for at least 2 hours. I actually wanted to bake the cookies tommorow but when I went downstairs at 5.30 to help Mama with dinner. As she set the steaks on a grill, I take the cookie dough out of the fridge and form balls on trays as the oven goes through reheating itself.

Less than an hour later, the table was set with steaks, french fries, plain salad, gravy and a plate of cookies. Those cookies were soft. Not soft and chewy but still yummy. Kinda like a cake cookie. With tons of chocolate chips.

*munches on a cookie*

All In a Friday Morning.

Turn on the radio while pulling my sleeves back. Take out a cabbage and carrot, peeling the latter before grating it into a mixture of mayonnaise and lemon juice. Chop up the cabbage before washing it. Mix well with the carrot before sealing the container and let it chill in the fridge.

Take out two cans of tuna, drain it before mixing it in another mixture of mayonnaise and lemon juice. Seal, keep for at least a night in the fridge. Trust me, the mayo would seep into the tuna and take away that odd funky taste which will leaves you with the tastiest homemade tuna sandwich ever.

Take out the black pepper sausages and let it sit in room temperature for two hours.

Take a short nap after looking up a recipe for potato latkis.

Wake up, turn on radio and grate half an onion, a clove of garlic and two peeled potatoes. Sing along to Clumsy while squeezing the juices out of the grated mixture.

Put the sausages in a pot of water before setting it on the stove to bring to a boil.

Lightly beat an egg, mix in the potato mixture, a teaspoon of salt, some grated cheese, pepper and two tablespoon of flour. Mix in nicely.

Put a flat skillet on the stove, some vegetable oil and let it heat up. Put a tablespoon of the mix on the skillet, flatten it out a bit. Flip after a minute or two. Repeat until it browns nicely then let it rest on a paper towel.

Repeat until you're out of the potato mixture, turn off the stove. Take out the sausages.

Three teaspoons of instant coffee, a cup of milk, a cup of water, 2 tablespoon of brown sugar and icecubes. Blend, pour it out for a taste test.

Serve the sausages, potato latkis, coleslaw and drink for lunch. Tells Mama the tuna is for tomorrow's tuna pie. Ask her to buy some green apples for Sunday's apple crumble.

Look up pancake recipes for tomorrow's breakfast.

Confession No.40

That offer from 20 months ago?

Still open.

But let's change it to chocolate mint bubble tea.

Tuesday Thoughts.

Confession No.39

I Don't Get It: Teeth.

Why are people so open to making "appearances advices such as to fix their hair, clothes, complexion, weight, etc but when I commented that a celebrity or stranger should get braces, I get stared at as if I'm supporting Size 0 models?

And be told that they're happy with what they naturally got when they're wearing make up, perfumes, get their hair done etc.

Seriously?

Wearing braces for straight teeth is not just for vanity, it improves your bite which in turn prevent future pain. Unlike getting your hair straightened/curled/coloured, where its mostly for vanity. Its just like you losing weight for health.

Confession No.38

I experienced a moment of jealousy.

Tuesday Thoughts.

For I have been on both sides. A failure and a success. And nothing pushes you to success more than failure.

Talking Over Coffee.

This morning, I sat on a comfy chair at the nearby Starbucks with my Dark Mocha in hand while my friend tells me how people should accept that around the world there are different ways of doing things/thinking.

We then moved from one topic to another, like a butterfly visiting a garden of flowers.

A rose- How tempting a program my uni is offering where they'll sponsor students to do their Master and PhD before being binded to them as a lecturer for a number of years.

A gardenia- About her starting work next month. And my plans to work once I graduate.

A bougainvillea- How people act as if sex is still a taboo around here.

A chrysanthemum- The way people think around here. The whole student loan debacle. The fact that people nowadays lack the basic common sense that makes a person.

A lily- Ebooks and where I get my supply from.

A daisy- My neutral standing on a debacle concerning my uni that happened few years ago.

A violet- How we should go to Rio one day.

A carnation- How I should take Mama's flirting advice. What advice? Go for it, take charge.

This all happened between alternate sips of my drink and mineral water from my pretty bottle. 3 hours.

I enjoyed this morning very much because the topics are not something I can talk freely with my friends. We usually talk about old school friends, boys and just gossip. It does get boring after a while.

Why didn't I spend my time more with this friend? Well, she's been away studying abroad for the last 3 years. Which is why everytime I'm going out somewhere since June is with her.

My parents seem understanding because back in our school days, we went out together so many times.

This perhaps came at a time where I've been trying to loosen some friendships since earlier this year. There might be accusation that I've dumped them with her return.

No, its been in motion for a while now.

As she said to me:

"Have we changed too much or have we just outgrown them?"

Beats me.

First Week, Final Semester.

How my first week of my final semester went:

NO PRODUCTIVENESS AT ALL.

My degree is a 2 year program, 2.5 if you want to do the internship a second time but if you choose not to, you'll get 2 extra subjects. My class decided that doing industrial training once is hell enough so we have 86 credit hours to do in 4 semesters.

Maximum limit is 23 credit per semester and this semester is a mere 20 credit, a mere I say because it was 21, 23 and 22 for the previous semesters.

1. The first week was spent where out of 10 classes, there were only 3. Well, there were 4 but I skipped that one and got told by my class rep that the lecturer for the next subject will be teaching the next class.

Guess what happened.

I arrived at the classroom. It got freaking cancelled. Half of the class was already on their way.

Hanis: I think this is her revenge on us for not coming yesterday.

Friend: You think?

Hanis: Well, I'll do it if I'm a lecturer.

2. I've mentioned my FInal Year Project which is done in a group of 3, so being me I got my team set up by end of July. Ok, set up means I got a group. BUT THEN, the powers to be aka the lecturers decided that for this year, they're going to shake things up a bit.

First, we thought they were going to make the groups at random (Noooo) but apparently the lecturers didn't want the smart kids to group together because that would be unfair (I agree but my group is well balanced) so they went with this system:

The 17 kids with the highest CGPA would be group leaders so the other kids would form their groups around those leaders. Which caused a ruckus among the already formed groups.

My group? Well, I just need to be one of those seventeen and we'll be great.

But until that list comes out, we can't do anything. *sighs*

3. In preparation for this new semester, I have few tv shows and cartoons in a document labelled "Watch When Bored" because we all know that you need to watch Suits (great show) and do nothing for the final semester. (Don't listen to this advice).

And somehow, I also went crazy and downloaded more than 20 ebooks this weekend because my mind somehow thinks I'll be free to read them.

Or its just a way to motivate me in getting an ebook reader next February.

4. I'm disgusted by a seminar held in Malaysia where (urgh) *cringes* parents and teachers are taught on how to identify homosexual guys.

...

I'm ashamed.

Honestly. For two reasons.

One, those signs to detect, are so .. stupid. Stereotypes. And stupid.

Two, this is just going to make us a laughing stock. The best*sarcasm* part is that it is done by some Ministry and hence, it is a government action.

I had a rant with a friend about it yesterday. I think I've mentioned my stance on homosexuality and that is, just stop putting your nose in where you don't belong you haters.

Blergh. Mokesart wondered if Malaysians are as dumb and shallow as that one article. Sadly, most. If this post ends up being read by people who will hate me and call me a no good, useless Muslim/Malaysian, so be it. Bring it on.

I believe in treating people equally, as long as they're not some murdering/drug king/yakuza/etc individual. Yes, my religion dictates that some things are wrong, but the responses to those things are equally disgusting and wrong.

For example, A is a good member of his society. His mom says he's a wonderful son who takes care of his parents etc. BOOM, they find out he's gay and suddenly he's bound for hell, a shame upon his family and deserves to die.

Seriously?

Blergh. I'm not going to link up the articles mentioning the seminar but I'm sure you'll find it in Google.

For more on my stance on same sex loving, read this.

Tuesday Thoughts.

A Song and a Story for You.

As I mentioned yesterday, I posted a story on Glimpses today. Its done in a first person point of view, which proved to be quite the struggle for me midway.

If you want to read it, here's the link.

And if you want to know what song I listened to while writing it, here's the link.

Do read and comment.

That Pre-Final Semester Post.

I'll be starting my last semester on Monday. 4 subjects + Final Year Project = Crazy Hanis. Considering I had 7 subjects every semester for the last 3 semesters, this might be an easy peasy time, right?

No. That Final Year Project is 30% of my total GPA for the coming sem which means that if I fuck that up, I'll need a freaking A for those 4 subjects and that its not a guarantee that my grades won't be ruined.

*has a mild mild panic attack*

*takes a paper bag, breathes into it*

I'll be fine, hopefully. But to stop myself from getting into another panic attack, I'll fill this post with the ebooks I've read lately.

Since the 15th of July, I've read a minimum of 12 books. Few weeks ago, I bought 3 books. Few days ago, I went on an ebook downloading spree. OH BOOKS , YOU ARE MY SALVATION.

I just finished reading Room by Emma Donoghue which is a refreshing read. My advise? Do not read anything as in Wiki, don't even google the book because reading it without knowing what its about makes the book much better.

Its a mere 180-ish pages, which was quite a relief because before that, I was reading the Empire trilogy by Raymond E Feist. Each book was 600-ish pages which resulted in a total of 1800-ish pages.

I first read this trilogy at age ... 14 and I fell in love with the books. Its set in another world, but nothing toooo complicated like some books *coughs*LOTR*coughs* which makes it perfect. There's not much magic, tons of cunning politics that are played around the concept of honour and the Wheel of Life.

Which reminds me, I got to reread two trilogy by Trudi Canavan.

Speaking of rereading, I'm reading Mario Puzo's The Family which I read ... when I was either 14 or 15. Now, this book is interesting but a bit slow. I'm still on page 90-something from 300-ish. After this, I'm gonna reread the Trudi Canavan's trilogies and start on another one.

*sighs happily*

If I can make a living out of reviewing books. (I know I can but yeah)

Note: If any of you are interested in reading any of those ebooks or want to know where you can get some great ebooks, message me through this link right here.

I know, most people who read goes all:

Ebooks ain't books.

Correction. Well, thanks to ebooks, I can read more books than what my budget and the poorly stocked library allows me too. I'll never stop buying real books, but ebooks will still be a great part of my collection.

*hopes to get a Kindle next year*

Think of it this way, you'll help the environment in some way. And if you're complaining about the screen, some of those ebook readers got some pretty nifty features to help with that.

Long live reading.

Oh oh, I'll be posting a short story on my other blog tommorow (once Mokesart edits all the ugly mistakes) and according to him, he likes it. So, await the announcement on that.

Last post I read: This wonderful one by a lovely lovely person concerning beauty.

Passion, Pension.

In an effort to help the environment, I went shopping for a tumbler that would hold my water for classes. Usually, I'll buy a box of 500ml bottles of mineral water per 2 weeks for class usage. Which is 48 bottles per month. Sigh.

I do recycle them but somehow, in my own mind, if I use a tumbler, I can just use a mini electric kettle to boil water or buy the big big bottle of mineral water, a 5 liter jug that can see me through when I have no other water supply.

I drink way more than that, but this is for my drinking water in class (I drink a lot).

So I was browsing through the tumblers, oooh and ahh-ing at the designs till I came across a red one that had this quote printed:

Chase your passion, not pension.

My reaction:

*raises a brow, purse my lips slightly*

I just have a lot of problems with that statement.

First of all, there's nothing wrong in doing what you're passionate about and hey, if it happens to help give you the financial support you'll surely need in your life, even better.

But, not many can chase their passion and earn a living. Oh I know, don't give me the "Don't let money and capitalism rule your life Hanis." talk. You'll need money set aside for your retirement time, the most important factor being your health.

I took Pensions last semester and the few reasons your pension is important has nothing to do with capitalism. It has to do with survival. You know, health cost, increasing living cost, inflation, etc.

Do not give me the "My kids will help me" excuse.

*stamps foot*

Your parents will help you - Excuse when you're younger.

Your kids will help you - Excuse when you're older.

To the people who think this, are you that pathetic? Is that the reason you got parents and kids? Grow a freaking back bone and try to be independent. Do not put their assistance as Plan A. Heck, not even Plan J.

There's few ways I can see that might give you the excuse to chase your passion, not pension.

1. You're from a rich rich family with parents who don't care that you'll be a freeloader.

2. You got a BIG trust fund.

3. You won't mind being a hobo with an infested leg.

4. Somehow, your passion helps you make tons of money.


To put it simply: Your passion might not help you pay for that prothestic leg when you get a foot cut off due to diabetics when you're 60.

Even the healthiest people get heart attacks.

I'll end this with my version of the quote.

Chase your passion and pension.

Karma of the Haircut.

I've learnt a very important lesson today.

If you're ever tempted to tell your brother/friend/someone that their new haircut adds on a pound to their face, you might just end up with a haircut that has a similiar effect.

The story goes like this:

My hair is wavy. With mostly curls at the ends which reminds me of the ocean waves. Yes, I'm proud of my hair. From experience, long hair suits me because before a certain length, my hair looks puffed up. Also, never ever try to lessen the thickness of my hair.

No, its not overly thick but enough for me to get suggestions from my hairdresser, every single time.

The main problem with my long hair is that .. it sheds. Enough to make Mama go on about it that this morning when I woke up, Dad told me to get a haircut. I kicked up a fuss before finally relenting, telling myself that I'll just get a trim to deal with the split ends.

But from experience, that never happen.

Hairdresser: You have such lovely hair.

Me: Thank you, but it got split ends and I think its damaged because it keeps falling.

Hairdresser: How short are you thinking?

AND this is the problem.

I clearly indicated around 3 inches.

She then did that water spraying thing, combing my hair which straightens-ish the curls. She then, started snipping on the back while making small talk. By the time she came to snip on the side, she made this remark:

"Your hair is pretty healthy. Its all shiny."

That was like cold water thrown all over me. If she had told me that before she started snipping, I would have told her to perhaps, make it 2 inches.

And then ... she snipped and snipped. And my hair started to dry, becoming shorter.

I went in with hair down to the middle of my back. I came out with my curls resting on my shoulders.

I look like a 23 year old Dora the Explorer.

3 inches became 4-ish. That's plenty. Is this miscalculation a universal thing with all hairdressers?

Or am I just that unlucky?

Tuesday Thoughts.

So this is a new tradition for me. I've seen Wordless Wednesdays on numerous blogs, and things like that. For me, I'm going to make it: Tuesday Thoughts where I'll post an image on every Tuesday.

Eid 2012: Part Two.

Fourth Day

Grandma's house was filled with five families, aka 5 sisters cooking lunch together. After dawn, Mama and her 3rd sister went to the market and bought fresh fishes, veges and chicken. We then stuffed the fishes with a mix of coconut flakes cooked in chilli paste and garlic before wrapping them in banana leaves to be cooked over hot coals.

A simple amaranth dish and fried marinated chicken later, we all sat down and had such a feast. Imagine this, about 15 people sat on the floor with the dishes in the middle. At one end is the rice cooker. Two grilled barramundi sits on the charred banana leaves, just waiting to be eaten. And that spicy spicy chilli dip

*tummy growls*

Sometimes, a girl needs to eat such simple food.

My youngest aunt then went:

"There's this place near our house that serves the best prawn noodles."

Fact: Her house is 1 hour away.

Fact: We love food so 5 cars set off for the place two hours later, excited to taste the fresh prawns.

We passed through old roads, whizzed past paddy fields to a beach where there were several stalls. There, we took up a long table facing the rough waters around sunset as we wait for our dinner. Then we heard that this was one of the places affected by the 2004 tsunami.

Cousin: Imagine if the waves get big enough again...

Hanis: *makes sound effects*

Other cousins: HANIS!

Hanis: What? He said it. I just tried to push the point forward.

Our plans to sit at the water edge was dashed away by the worried mothers. Dinner was so delicious. Prawn noodles, 15 plates of them and fried noodles with prawns, 6 plates of them.

Each serving had 2 big fresh prawns in them and god, the soup was spicy and goood but the fried noodles were even better. We ate and ate (in my case), laughing and looking at the waves.

On the way back, we stopped to pray at a mosque. The women's section faced the graveyard. If you didn't know, the headstones are all white and uniform. At night, its a scary view. The wudu' room was so close to them and I was the first one to notice those tombstones.

Hanis: You know ... I think I'll pray at grandma's. I reallllly need to use the bathroom.

Cousin: There's a bathroom here somewhere, let's go.

The two of us plus Mama headed for the signs and then the two of them finally saw those scary white stones.

Mama: I think I'll pray at home.

Cousin: I agree.

It lead on to us trying to go to the bathroom, but got scared halfway because you had to walk along the perimeter.

We then used the other way, forcing my brother and male cousin to wait at the door.

Fifth Day

A week before, Mama watched a cooking show where it was made in Cameron Highlands, a popular tourist spot in Malaysia known for its cold weather, tea plantation, rose farms and strawberrry farms. She then made me book a room at a hotel which turned out to be the hotel at the highest peak.

It was about 2 hours away from my grandma's house, smack in the middle before her house and ours. Add in an hour of driving up the hillside where we had the windows, enjoying the coool air as I go wheeee at every turn, we arrived at our hotel.

We stayed in a 2 bedroom apartment, got at a price reduced by 37% (yes, you welcome Dad) which didn't have any air conditioning due to the cold weather outside. Yet, Mama still walked around the apartment with stockings and slippers on while shivering and moaning about how cold it is.

Over here, the normal temperature is around .. 33Celcius, it reached 40Celcius during the hot days when it hasn't rained for a week.

But, up in Cameron Highlands, it was at least 24Celcius. At night, when we went to buy burgers from a roadside stall, it was 19Celcius, with mist puffing from our mouth. Oh god, those burgers were yummy.

That night, we were all asleep by 11, so cold and cocooned in the blankets.

I was the one who was super reluctant to shower. My dislike of hot water + the cold weather + the cold water = Me telling Mama I didn't smell bad.

Before checking into the hotel, we stopped by a tea plantation to gawk at those tea bushes and climb up the terraces.

Sixth Day

I woke up at 6.30am, prayed before bundling myself up to sit at the balcony, enjoying the super cold air (13 Celcius) with a warm cup of Milo to warm my hands. The possible romanticness of the moment was ruined by my brother trying his Muay Thai moves beside me.

I just love staying at hotels. For two main reasons. The bed and the breakfast buffet. After moaning how cold it is, I showered and got dressed. It was 16 Celcius when we made our way to the buffet place where I stuffed myself with:

A chicken sausage
Sauteed potatoes
A single scone (cold and hard)
A simple version of shepherd's pie but so yummy (2 servings)
A small waffle
A cheese omelette
Two glasses of orange juice

Don't worry, these were in small portions.

We then headed for a strawberry farm, where we bought strawberries and teas. Mama went crazy and bought green tea, lemon tea, strawberry tea along with white coffee strawberry. I know, where did coffee came from?

She also bought vegetables, which were sooo cheap compare to the market at home. Mushrooms, corn, lettuces, capsicums etc.

After checking out of the hotel, we took the other way down, stopping by a tea shop, which was a bit over expensive in my opinion. Mama and Dad got Teh Tarik (Tea with sweet thick milk, frothing with bubbles) which can be ordered anywhere but thankfully they were yummy.

I was a bit experimental, ordering a Chocolate Tea which was good, considering it taste like tea + unsweetened cocoa.

The one hour ride downhill made us all woozy. I tried to nap, which helped a bit. But Mama and lil bro .. well, I heard enough "I think I'm gonna throw up." and never felt more relieved to find us on normal ground level once again.

And that was how I spent my first few days of Eid this year. Its the most enjoyable one I have had for years now.

Now, to lose those pounds I gained.

Eid 2012: Part One.

I'm weeping that my current phone is an old phone that can only text at the moment. If only my other phone was working, I would be able to take pictures for this post.

This is how Eid celebrations went for me.

First Day

Woke up at 6am to help Mama finish up her cooking. The day before we cooked up a storm aka:

Tomato Rice

Beef Curry

Ketupat (steamed glutinous rice cooked in coconut milk with some kind of beans, wrapped in banana leaves)

Ayam Masak Merah (Red Chicken which is a tasty dish cooked with plenty of lemongrass, onions, spices and blended dried chillies which results in the thick red gravy)

We then spent half the day at my aunt's house with the whole family aka a mere 17 person party.

Second Day

Was in the car at 10am, ready for the 4 hours journey and armed with snacks in the back seat, I slide on my sunnies and took a long nap. We arrived at my grandma's and had such a tasty lunch of white rice, beef soup (with the bones and all) with a spicy spicy dip of bird peppers chopped up in prawn paste liquid.

That night, we visited one of Mama's cousin whose husband's died 5 days before Ramadan :( He was fine the day before but died in his sleep. *a moment of silence*

Third Day

We were out of the house by 10am, heading to Mama's schoolfriend's house. It was at a new neighbourhood made of small bungalows which cost the same as a way smaller middle house over here where I live. The disadvantage of living in one of Malaysia's most developed areas.

We then headed to Mama's youngest uncle's house before heading to her second youngest sister's house for a tasty lunch of chicken noodle soup, where we met my cousin, her husband and daughter. We were then invited to Mama's second brother's house which is about 40 minutes away.

Yes, Mama is the 3rd of 8 kids.

At this uncle's house, it was a big reunion of 5 of those 8 kids where we feasted on satay, Pai Tees with a twist (peanut sauce instead of chilli) and caramel pudding with a lychee infusion.

And we weren't done yet because we (us and the second youngest aunt's family) headed to a cousin's house whose known for her great cooking, big house and big family (where they speak at the top of their voices). We then ended the day with visiting Mama's other brother who had the cutest cats ever.

More to come.

I Don't Need a Man to Make Me Feel Complete.

1. The marrying age.

Ages ago, you were at prime marrying age when you got your period for the first time. In those historical romance novels I read, if you're still single by the time you're 20, you're never ever ever getting married. In my mother's days, if you're not married at age 25, you're on the fast track to spinsterdom where people will wonder if something is wrong with you.

Now, at this age and year, isn't it logical if there's no such thing as a marrying age?

I've been the victim to such nosy questions from relatives(near and far) on my availability and when in the world am I going to get married.

First of all, if you're not going to help me pay for that wedding or if you don't have a guy to introduce me to you better stop asking me such things.

Its people like these that make so many girls think:

I have to get married before its too late. If I become a spinster, I'll end up the topic of family meetings and I'll live with 12 cats and have nothing of interest.

WRONG.

2. Lack of self worth is the root of the problem.

In my opinion, most women today have a low self worth. I'm not talking about confidence, appearance etc. I'm talking about what you think you deserve.

Example One: I know girls who think that if they don't get married and have kids, they're a failure.

If you're one of those girls, you got a problem. This is the 21st Century, women aren't breeders. They are strong individuals who can have dreams. Okay, you can dream of having kids , heck, I got the names for my future babies already, but don't think that you amount to nothing if somehow, you don't get those kids.

Example Two: You're approaching an age, friends are getting married right and left. People are asking you. You get desperate, full of fear of spinsterhood. You grabbed any Jack,John, Brian aka some guy.

Sadly, this one happens so often.

You got low self worth if you think just any guy will do.

I'm not talking about looking for an attractive/hot guy, but someone whose personality, emotionally is perfect for you. If you think any guy will do as long as you get married, I look down on you.

Mothers, this is where you come in. If you raised your daughter right, she'll have high self worth. Don't ruin this. And if you didn't know, what you tell her, will have a big impact.

3. Society should stop telling us what to do.

I just hate society. I just hate what they think. You should not let their opinions push you to do Example Two. As I always said to some people:

I'm the one who's going to get married and share a bed with that guy. Not society. Not my mother. Not my neighbour. So its up to me.

You should not let yourself be persuaded to do things by them.

Don't get married because they say its your prime age.

Don't have kids because they tell you "Why else would you get married for?'

Woah woah woah. Over here, that's apparently why you get married.

To breed. To have kids.

Not because you love someone and you want to spend your life with them.

And definitely not because your religion does not allow pre-marital sex. If a girl over here can tell me that perhaps, the main reason of they wanting to get married is to get down and dirty, I'm going to treat them to a Subway cookie and applaud them.

If you want to get married, do it for personal reasons. DO it because you actually want to. I'll get married for the sex

4. Have big dreams, not related to getting married and having babies.

Be selfish. I'm becoming that. I don't see it my duty to continue my family's next generation. I want to work, make money and travel.

I want to write and a publish a novel. I want to go to Disney theme parks. I want to jump off a plane.

Yes, you can do that if you're married too, but try putting yourself first. Don't dash those dreams away for that status.

I have nothing against marriage. I just have a problem with people getting on that bandwagon without thinking properly. Yes, you can achieve your dreams but what if you have to put them aside for a decade or so?

This is what I mean by being selfish.

When you're selfish, you'll grow to be your own person.

I told Mama that I'm more eager to go on my first trip with Amnah then finding a guy. If I find one whose awesome and makes me weak in the knees, great. But that doesn't mean I'm cancelling my trip. It just means that we're going to Rome for our honeymoon.


I hope that this jumbled up post managed to make you think, even a bit.


If you're still confused, perhaps this lyric might make it a bit clearer:

I don't need a man to make it happen,

I get off being free,

I don't need a man to make me feel good,

I get off doing my thing,

I don't need a ring around my finger,

To make me feel complete.

Oh Potatoes.

I have a love for mashed potatoes. I usually make Mama buy those big brown russet potatoes (or just google/ask what potatoes make the best choice) so I can whip up a nice batch. I made some last week and will make another batch tomorrow, depending on my laziness level.

How Hanis Makes Mashed Potatoes

1. I like using baking butter or as Mama call it, cake's butter. You know, its usually wrapped in golden paper. Is it a must? No. But somehow for me, it gives more flavour.

2. Peel those potatoes and quarter it horizontally. AKA make the sections long, instead of wide.

3. Wash, set in pot, fill up till the water is the same level of those potatoes.

4. Sprinkle some salt before letting it boil.

5. Test till the potatoes are soft, turn off the fire.

6. Do not, I repeat, do not drain the water because you need it later.

7. Take out the potatoes, put in some butter and start mashing it with your choice of weapon.

8. Mash it up, taste it. Add butter if you want. If its dry-ish, add a bit of the water from the pot. No milk or salt.

9. Serve it up.


How Hanis Eats Her Mashed Potatoes

While warm, add a bit of mayo. Swirl it in really nice and have a taste.

Trust me, mayo in mashed potatoes is reallly good. Just make sure the mayo is not one of those sweet kind cause that just sucks. And yes, the mashed potatoes have to be warm, so reheat it before you add the mayo.

Alright, I really need to make some tomorrow.

Oppression? Nope.

I've been seeing this video on Facebook for few weeks now, and being me, I tend to ignore certain things due to laziness. But this morning, I gave it a go and I liked what I saw.

I wish I can give this to that one particular feminist blogger that I have a dislike for.

Rant with Amnah: Being Fat and Is That Your Problem, Mister?

Amnah (someone who I sat beside for 3 years in school, bickered with, and so much more in our 10 years of knowing each other) and I was ranting and whining about how certain things are in life. Well, nahhh. More like, we were talking about how things are a bit unfair and biased, when it comes to women. And if said woman happens to be overweight, hell, things just got complicated.

"I got a friend I want to introduce to you. He doesn't really care about things."

Now, "things" = weight.

First of all, my weight is my problem. I don't even see it as something to be mentioned. I'm not going to go into an interview and when I'm asked my biggest weakness, I ain't gonna go all:

"Its my weight. I just love fooood too much so now I'm fat. FAT I SAY."

I've seen this kind of thing going on before. Where the weight is seen as a setback. Hell, in my opinion crooked teeth when you got the money to get braces done, is a bigger problem. Since people are being so superficial, let me tell you that:

Nah, he doesn't really care that you're dark.

He doesn't mind that you're taller than him.

Crooked teeth.

Spotty face.

Donkey laugh.

Lack of class.

You get what I'm trying to say here?

If you want to introduce someone, be proud of who they are. Not add "but" in your introduction. Its an insult, when someone wants to introduce you to a guy with something that is clearly a "negative" in their eyes. Its like saying "He might not be good enough for me, but he'll be good enough for you."


My next concern, that made me went all "emo" on my friend, who actually appreciated and agreed with me. I told her that if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. Not for some guy or friends who tell you to. Don't let people push you. Like, look at all those Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover shows. They'll cry and the trainers will ask them:

"Who are you doing this for?"

"MYSELF!" *with tears running down their faces*

For yourself. Not for some superficial guy, which leads to a whole other thing.

Dear girls/guys,

If you ever go through a makeover, go through a late growth spurt, lose weight etc, ignore those who before transformation, ignored you or didn't see you fit for their special attention or were too embarassed to show it to the public.

Like, if you weren't good enough for them before, they sure as hell are not good enough for you, ever.


Its like friendship. Avoid the friends who are only there for the laughters, never for the tears.


I know of married couples where they made an agreement that they won't go above a certain weight.

I was 14 when I heard of that, and no, its not some Hollywood couple. Its couples that I know in life. Like, your wife has given you a bajillion kids, held your hand when things get tough, and you tell her:

"Oh honey, I don't like that tiny flab on your tummy."

What kind of marriage is that? You're supposed to love each other through health and sickness, rich and poor.


So as I told Amnah, if a guy rejects you due to your appearance, you just snap your fingers and tell them:

"I'm way too hot for you anyway."

Or

"You're no Ambercombie & Fitch's model, mister."

Or

"You're just used to your lower standards."


She then said, that is something I would say. To which I replied that she should be more confident of her own self worth.

"To be honest, you ain't ugly. You got a sweet face." <--- actual conversation

She then made me write this into a blog post, and another one is going to come, and it will be more on that self worth. Expect female empowerment.

Oh Results.

Usually, it will take uni about 5-6 weeks after finals end to release our results. This time around, surprise surprise, 3 weeks and they're sending emails to the students.

Emails?

Well, once upon a time we had to check the Student Portal but that often crash at peak hours hence leading to loud complaints. Those complaints were heard so uni started to email out the results, starting from midnight.

This semester, it said we can view our results at 9am on the 3rd of August. Which meant the website would be available a day later 9 hours earlier, the students would be checking their email as if it was popping out Subway cookies.

I didn't get to sleep a wink until 3.30am. Even though the email arrived around 2.30am, I only checked my email 30 minutes later.

The room was dark, my hand shook as I clicked on the email. I saw my name, knowing from experience I need to scroll lower to see the dreaded results. The first thing I saw was my Grade Point Average (GPA) for the semester and my Cumulative Grade Point Average (CGPA).

The world stopped for one second before words of gratefulness spilled from my lips, a hand pressed against my heart as I looked at those figures again, again and again.

I then scrolled lower to look at my grades, eyes widening at disbelief at some of them, well all of them. I've correctly predicted 1 out of 7.

A B+ for Arabics 3 and I'm super proud of that since it is the torture of last semester.

The lowest grade this semester was a shocker, since its not that low and its for a subject I was sure I was getting an A- for. But noooo, I didn't get an A- for it.

All in all, I'm happy and super duper thankful for my results. My parents are happy and that makes the world happy.

Now, to find some cookies/chocolate to eat.

Wedding of a Friend.

I watched the solemnization of my friend and her husband through a big flat screen. My friend beside me teared up while another whispered that she wants to get married too. Another grumbled that she's hungry.

Somewhere deep inside my heart, I felt touched. Here is one of my friends getting married. I was happy for her that she found someone she wants to live her life with. But at the same time, I realised that I didn't feel the same yearning my "I want to get married too" friend had. So I smiled and teared up, both for my friend's happiness and for my freedom.

Two days later, I let myself dress up a bit. Watched some videos on youtube so I know just how to wear that super long and wide gorgeous pashima shawl my parents bought for me. I slipped into the outfit I wore for my cousin's wedding 3 years ago (still fits) and put on few layers of mascara. Made Mama help me put on some eyeliner and I felt ready.

My outfit had sequins in it. Oh how it sparkled, I made the chandeliers burn in envy. The reception is held at a hotel 10 minutes away from home (without traffic) and I arrived with Eli, where we then stood at a corner, waiting for another friend while we muttered on how grand it all is.

Eli: How will your wedding be?

Hanis: Less glam and way smaller than this.

I wished I was able to take pictures but since my phone died in May, I was stuck in keeping memories. How the ballroom were filled with people. How the couple came in, looking so pretty and handsome. How some friends teared up, again.

Of course, being me, I was more concerned about the print out menu. By the time 30 minutes had passed, I could tell you the 6 dishes and what is up for dessert (Coconut pudding). There were gossips, oohs, ahhs and Eli telling me I better not be thinking about my exam the next afternoon (I was memorising the different combinations of options and their respective graphs).

And the picture below, was taken as I was enjoying my dessert, which was followed by a cup of strong black coffee that no amount of sugar and milk was enough to make it mild enough for me.

The reception ended at 11pm, we hugged and took plenty of pictures with the beautiful bride. Such prettiness. By the time I got home, the glitter of my dress was still there. I put it back on its hanger and covered it with some plastic, telling myself that it will see daylight again, perhaps at the next wedding.