A New Start, Not the End.

Hey there,

The reason I haven't been posting on here much is because I feel like I have to censor my thoughts and opinions posted online at times. This is more due to work and future work you know?

So I decided to start a new blog dedicated to travel and food. The two things I love, especially as I realised being a travel writer is a dream of mine.

Please visit my new blog.

For those who wants to know the url, it is:

www.sayahanis.wordpress.com

I'll try to blog on here once in a while, if I can come up with a non scandalous topic.

Thank you.

Lots of love.

Make, Make Me Up.

My name is Hanis. And I am becoming a makeup ... addict.

Not to the point where I don't leave the house without some on. Or the point where people won't know me if I don't wear any. But to the point where I end up buying 3 tubes of NYX Soft Lip Matte Cream because I justified the need of 3 different shades.

Note: There is no such thing as too many shades. There will be a time where you would feel like wearing an orangey lipstick. Or a fire engine red.

It started with a impulsive buy around Ramadhan last year where I told myself I might need a proper lipstick, just in case. So I got myself Silky Girl Moisture Boost in Wine Red.

Note: A dark purple red colour can do wonders for you, and its a great start for a strong colour but not something bright.

It then moved on to me buying a new tube of mascara. A tub of Loose Powder for the face. And before I knew it (Actually I was aware of every single purchase) I was owning quite a number of makeup items. I was even ordering stuffs from the Makeup Revolution UK website as it was cheaper and have more items than the Malaysia ones.

At the last count, I had:

A Beauty Blender (amazing near flawless foundation applicator)
A 12 piece makeup brush set (I only use 6)
A blush palette
2 eyeliners
BB cream
Primer
4 mascaras
2 eyeshadow palettes
Some highlighters
Some individual blushes
A  make up fixing spray
9 shades of lipsticks
And of course, makeup remover.

I am planning to buy more, especially a finishing powder, a green primer (for redness) and maybe some bronzer. (Yes Moke, I need that).

Before you start to imagine me in very thick makeup, do stop.

I usually wear makeup to work. Foundation, eyeliner, mascara, highlighter, lipstick and blush. For dates? I skip the eyeliner, lipstick and blush because I don't want to reapply lipstick and wonder if my eyeliner is still okay.

I go to the gym and shop barefaced.

I still think I am gorgeous without makeup but wearing some at times I choose to feels like dress up for me.

Note: Sometimes I go out with a thin layer of primer + bb cream to cover up the way my skin gets red sometimes.

On the note of my skin, its in a pretty good condition due to supplements and antibiotics. I also make sure to cleanse and use face masks when I can (or don't fall asleep first).

I am still a novice about this whole thing (still can't draw a straight eyeliner line on my left eye) and can be found watching tutorials on youtube while I am on the train ride home.

No contouring for me, as that is really misguiding people and I don't want to do that. Anyway, this is the most recent update about me and I swear I'll post the HK and Istanbul posts once I can use the computer at home.

Night of 15th February.

I dreamt of you. After that first conversation twenty three months ago. It has been quite some time that I shed tear at the thought of you. In fact, been quite some time I had any emotions over the thought of you. Apart from the usual "God, why is he so beautiful?" whisper in my head when I see a picture of you.

I dreamt that I was waiting for you. Not waiting for you to come to me, but for me to obtain closure. To look you in the eyes, smile and thank you for the inspiration you unknowingly gave my muse. No mention  of how I used to curl up from emotional pain over a guy I have never met in person. No mention of how I once thought you were perfect. No mention of the bad and ugly side that lays hidden under the rock.

I dreamt that I had nerves made of steel as I stood in front of the door, watching the people leaving the building. I had my phone in my hand, fingers gripping the sides as I told myself to not run away. My eyes were torn between searching for you and looking at the ground. Oh I was scared to my bones, scared of the reaction on your face.

I dreamt that I missed you. That you have taken another route. Despair filled the holes in my soul as I gave up. My shoulders sagged with dissapointment as closure had escaped my grasp. I walked to a bus stop, fingers digging into my palms as I wonder if I could dig up enough courage for another attempt in the future.

I dreamt that we saw each other at the same time. Your brows dipped slightly as you stared at me, recognition dawning. My breath got caught in my throat, held back the vowels of your name. Your lips quirked upwards slightly before you said my name.

"I was looking for you."

"You were?"

"At the .. front door."

"And here I am."

I dreamt that you were so beautiful.

I woke up.

Still Whole, Just Crumbles.

I don't like giving up on people. Some would say I am shameless or just don't get a hint.

I believe in 2nd and 3rd chances.

I believe that people can change their minds.

But sometimes, when it is just you who keeps messaging first it gets tiring. When its always you who suggests an outing, you feel a bit hurt after a while and wonder if the agreement was because of pity/boredom and not actual interest.

Sometimes, there are no replies to seen messages.

Sometimes, I delete the conversation and tell myself to ignore them. Most of the time, I fail.

And once in a while, after all that I have tried and dejection felt, I just delete the number. And wait to see if they would message me.

Sometimes, they don't.

Sometimes, I can just feel the disinterest buzzing from those signs I have read about in articles.

And I feel that tingle of pain. And wonder, if its my fault.

Maybe.

So, I finally give up. They might not notice or they might with a "Finally". But for those who do reach out to me, with even the most feeble attempt, I grip back.

Sometimes being me is a door to a world of hurt. And I wonder why haven't I crumble into pieces.

After Hong Kong.

Good morning Malaysia.

I am currently at my desk in the office. 24 hours ago, I was still in Hong Kong and busy trying to cram everytime into my luggage.

I was in Hong Kong for 5 days 4 nights and it was fun. Here are some observations:

1. Google Maps is very very helpful. Trust me on this.

2. The train system is amazing.

3. If you like beauty products, you would go crazy seeing all the Sasa stores.

4. Halal food is available, but most are of the South Asia type, with some Arab food. I have no idea what's the usual price range for non halal food but the halal ones are quite pricey.

5. So, bring lots of bread, biscuits, tuna spread, instant noodles and so on.

I shall go in more details after I finish my Istanbul posts which is taking time because the pictures are in my brother's computer and its hard to choose and copy and paste using my phone.

Hong Kong posts, will be more helpful as in directions wise and so on.

Okay, time to not fall asleep.

Istanbul- Day Three

Day 3 - 2nd November 2014.


"Did you know there's an average of 3 million visitors at Istikal Cadessi on a weekend day?"

"WHATTTTTT AND WE WALKED THROUGH THAT?!"

The morning started with us cooking some sausages that we bought from the Turkish grandmother. Along with some bread and cheese. It was a way of cost efficiency for us.

We decided to go towards Galata Tower, on the other end of Istikal.

It was about 9am when we left, and Istikal was still all empty apart from people like us, and the shopkeepers.

Note: The amount of cats that distracted us everyday is a lot. Mainly cause Eli is a cat lady and Turkish cats are so fluffy and friendly. Stray Turkish cats like me more than my own.

As we walked further from Taksim Square, the shops became more traditional and there were fresh juice shops, where they press it in front of you.

Eli: I want promegranate.

Hanis: APPLE.

The apple juice was very yummy, but .. the promegranate was very acidic to me that I coughed and my eyes teared up. But Eli really enjoyed it.

We then got to a crossroad, and had no idea which one to take. Help came in the form of a man sitting at a table in front of this Cultural Museum.

He spoke English.

And was selling tickets for a Whirling Dervish show later that day.  


Imagine the look on our faces when we saw the note stating "Sunday only". We glanced at each other, made some comments on how it must be our luck to walk by here today and BAM bought two tickets.

"Where is Galata tower?"

"You go straight and it would be on your right. You will not miss it."

The sun was bright, the air was cool and thankfully we did not miss the tower. Nor the long line to go into it. We took pictures and decided to skip paying the entrance fee and climbing up the stairs.

We walked down another alley, more quiet and peaceful. I stopped by a grocery store and bought a drink I keep seeing people drink over there.

It was a .. salty yogurt drink. An acquired taste. Well liked by the locals. (Apparently this is one of the drinks to try if you're daring enough.)

I managed 2/3 before declaring defeat. I did not acquire the taste for the drink.

Eli spotted a place overlooking the sea between the two continents, so we walked over there, crossed a main street and basked in the sun. But then, we wanted to get even closer, so we walked down a pavement beside the busy road. It was about 10 mins downhill before we had to cross two busy roads and found ourself at a park/small pier area.

There were people waiting to get on a boat, and we bought some nuts and sat on a bench while watching an old man feed the pigeons.

THEN IT HAPPENED.

Remember how in Istikal you can walk any alley, as long as it is in the right direction, you can just cut through anywhere and arrive where you want?

Well, never ever use that logic away from the Istikal Cadessi.

We got lost, because we decided to use another way.

"We can just go uphill here, then cut to the right and go up and voila."

Voila my foot.

It was okay until we found ourself in a part of town we have never seen before. But there were shops, I remember looking into a kitchen appliance store and ogling the big mixer.

We then decided to climb uphill between some residential flats to cut through.

It felt ghetto. Old women looked at us from their windows while we huffed and puffed up the cobblestone path.

Youths stared.

We got to the top, take a left and it was a dead end.

Cue: mortified laughter.

I was ready to roll and die before going back down when we looked the other direction and saw that the road led out.

Cue: relieved laughter.

It took us another 30 mins of walking before we got to a cafe 10 mins from the apartment.

The cafe was recommended by the apartment owner, for being cheap and it was. What I had was, two grilled boneless chicken thighs, salad, rice and grilled vegetables. Add on a bottle of Coke and it was around .. 12 Lira.

I promptly fell asleep in the apartment before Eli woke me up to go to the show. It was a scramble of getting ready, and we both power walked to the place, dodging the crowd of Istikal and basically, just being badass.

The show was .. amazing. It was moving. It left me breathless as I listened and watched. As they whirled around. It went on for 45 minutes and it was 40 minutes of ... I felt like I was part of something great.

We then decided to make it an early night because the next day would involve a trip to the Asia part of Istanbul.

Power walked again and then we saw it.

We saw something that made us cross from one side to the other, risking our limbs through the Sunday night crowd.

It was a window display, full of chocolate bars.

Let me describe the scene in detail.

White, dark and milk chocolate bars. With assorted kind of nuts; almonds, hazelnuts and pistachios.

And it did not look like chocolate bars with nuts. It looked like nuts with chocolate binding them together.

And we stared, wondering if the display is a lie because surely ... no one will sell that much nuts in a bar of chocolate.

I peeked in to look at the price and squealed:

"The big bar is 14 TL"

Note: Funnily enough, both of us was quite restrained from buying sweet stuffs over there for some reasons. We kinda regretted that the moment we got home.

We got dinner from the same place we had lunch, but I decided to get pilaf rice from a cart outside.

Pilaf Rice Cart:

A cart found on the sidewalks, filled with pilaf rice, chickpeas and pieces of grilled chicken. A serving of rice is 2TL, and they will sprinkle pepper and offer mustard. Add on chicken and it will cost around 5TL. Its a simple, plain but fulfilling meal.

While waiting for the man to wrap up my rice, two little kids stared at the food hungrily. They looked like the beggar kids we see at the Cadessi. 

My heart was tugged. I asked the man to wrap up another serving for them. He raised his brows, nodded and did it right away. I waited, just in case.

The little boy got demanding, asking for tons of pepper and mustard.

Dinner was enjoyed at home, in a heated up apartment while we made plans for the next day.

A Letter to Someone.

Dear You,

It was an amazing 3 months of being friends with you.

I want that to be the first thing you read cause I know you know this blog exists. In fact, you had snooped through it and commented on the idiot I once dated.

How are you?

Its been a month, half a month since I have given up. Logic and some persuasion from worldly friends told me that you're doing the right thing.

Its either that, or you're just being a first class asshole. (I prefer this one because it lets me be angry and pissed off at you, hence tons of evil wishes are sent to you via my thoughts).

Today I realised why I was so intent in believing the worst of you until another friend made me see the other possibilities. 

When I am angry at you, I don't have to admit that I miss you.

I don't have to admit that I miss the conversations we had in the mornings, and the way you can get serious within a moment from being funny. The way you would ask me my opinion because it interests you to know how a Gen Y might think.

That career advice you gave me? What if I needed more advice in a year or so? Who should I turn to and ask, knowing the answer will be made of honesty, experience and no bullshit at all.

That love/life advice you sternly word out to me. I was wide eyed, showing my age when you told me that someone's refusal might not have to do with me, but its just them not looking for anything at that time. And then you added on; "Why bother with people who are not interested in you? Move on, to the next."

Oh how ironic that one is now.

I miss you because you made me realise the kind of person I want to be. The kind of person I want to be with.

I read somewhere that some people are meant to be in your life for a short time, but would affect you greatly. I think you're one of those people.

I might have given away the hand painted note book I chose for you in Istanbul. I still have the postcards though. I considered sending it to your office, but that just screams "Stalker Chick" so if you want it, just inform me.

And oh, those jokes I always make? I never meant it. I'm too selfish for that.

Before I fully let myself feel sad, remember that song you got me hooked on?

I have to admit, I listen to it and think of you. Every time. 

Sincerely,

Hanis.

12th January 2015.

I owe you guys Istanbul Day 3 until Day 8 but I have been really busy lately, with finishing up my accounts at work and transferring to a new department.

I promise I will try to get Day 3 and Day 4 typed up and posted before I go off for my Hong Kong trip.

Yes, you read that right.

Hong Kong trip, end of this month with the family. It would be our first trip abroad as a family since we came back from Saudi (umra' trip) in Jan 2012.

Of course, my objective is Hong Kong Disneyland followed by shopping for bags and shoes (does not need to be branded, all I want is pretty).

I haven't really looked up where else to go, or made any plans because I have been tired and lazy (Dad is doing research) so if any of you have been there before do give some suggestions.

And if any of you know Halal places over there, that would be really helpful because I do not want to resort to eating Fillet O Fish burgers, bread, canned tuna spread and instant noodles all the time over there.

Anyway, I have realised that the travelbug has bitten me because it seems that I wanna go everywhere. My initial plan was:

Hong Kong in Jan with family.

Krabi in May with friend.

Seoul in November with a group of backpackers.

Greece in October 2016 with friend (Mama keeps going "Nope nope nopee").

But then, I can afford it but it will be killing any leftover savings because my travel fund = savings.

Mama even said "Imagine you fall in love and want to get married after buying your tickets." because its kinda the ... norm here for people who want to get married to completely devote their savings for the wedding.

I was like:

Nope nope nopee.

Ain't gonna happen. Ain't gonnna sacrifice my travel dreams.

Haha.

Korea seems .. not do-able this year but maybe someday or with the family one day.

Here's to a year of savings and travelling and planning.