Friday, July 30, 2010

Major News

Chocolate sale in the lobby downstairs,

I'm in heaven,

Went to withdraw enough money,

So I could buy 4 different bars of chocolate,

Dark , hazelnut, fruits and nuts and another hazelnut,

I'm holding myself back from devouring them right here.

Haha, its a poem. Or a lame attempt at one -.-

Peace out.

You Make Me Wanna Rant

But I'll cut it short. Honestly people, you want to spend millions of the government money so you can effectively ban adult entertainment sites from the Internet in the country? And because they are said to be the catalyst or reason in the rising number of babies abandoned around the country.

Like, ffs. I was laughing when I heard that before pffft-ing through the rest of the news. People people, mind telling me who "researched" the matter and came up with this theory? Yes, it may have tempted them to do stuffs that will eventually lead to the conception of said baby. But putting the blame on such entertainment is really really ... its like blaming our neighbour for cooking something that smells so damn good for making us fat.

See how ridiculous that situation sounds? Told ya so people. That's how it sounded like to me this morning when I heard about this proposed ban.

Now, listen closely because I want to tell you the real reason we're finding more babies abandoned. There's two things and the combination of them is lethal.

I remember from my days in highschool that the sex education were the one chapter in Biology where we learned about the reproductive system and all those birth control thingies and a mention or two in Islamic Studies. My memory might be faulty but as far as I remember that was it.

Most adults still think the old " Don't do it till you get married" method will work on us. Like, Hello? And I thought most parents complained how when we were lil kids we'll do the things they tell us not to. No, growing up does not take away that streak of rebellion from us. I can testify to that. Hell, most kids are like that but to varying degrees. So don't deny it and say your kid is a perfect angel cause they listen to Mummy's every word. Bullshit. Either your kid is good at hiding things or they're plainly such ... people that don't have a mind of their own.

Yes, there are kids like that. I've had the luck to come across some and once again, its a varying degree. But going back on course here, what I'm trying to say is that we need an adequate sex education. We've been skirting around the issue for years, giving excuses and such that its just so sad to me.

"They'll be tempted to practice the topics teached,"


Its a double edged sword, okay? And that's a lame excuse so excuse me for rolling my eyes.

The second reason is the way people here still treat sex as a matter of taboo. I haven't met anyone here whose parents were open about it. When I was 15, all I got was a muttered warning

"Don't let anyone touch you and don't you dare do anything before getting married,"

So, in the name of curiousity, especially teenagers, they'll be curious. But they don't have a responsible reliable figure to go to and play 21 Questions with. Even if they dare to approach someone, they'll be given a bad eye and told its not for them to know till they're older.

Define older for me. I've been hearing that line forever.

Stop acting like sex is a bad thing. Like, I have friends in their early twenties who go "Ewwww' at the mention of sex. Okay, fine. I know there are still such innocent minds out there but do be sincere in being that please.

I know two of those friends actually downloads and watches certain clips. Hey, I have no objection against such viewing. And also nothing against people who don't admit they do so. But DON'T act all holier-than-thou when you're sneaking around watching it alone. Geez, stop being bloody hypocrites, okay?

Rant is stopping here for the peace of my mind. But yeah, go and form a commitee to plan out an adequate sex education syllabus. And stop acting like sex is such a bad matter.

Peace out.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


If you're going through hell, keep going- Winston Churchill

This was filed under the category heart-breaks in a website of quotes.

Its different from the usual quotes under this category yet its inspiring.

I'll shall keep going till I get to slam the door of hell behind me- Hanis

Yeap, that was from me *grins*


I've been staring, well more like saving this as draft numerous time today alone. Everytime I start typing, the flow of thoughts just stop and I'll be staring into the screen while trying to gather my lost thoughts again. I failed each time. And everytime I attempt to type again it would be about something different thus at the end I'm left with a couple of sentences. Just that.

Its Wednesday, middle of the 4th week of my internship. Give or take couple of days. I've been 21 for 3 days now and things are a bit tense in certain aspects. Especially in a matter that has been a constant contributor to the lack of peacefulness in my heart since I was 11. This morning was ... not pretty. Trust me.


I'm gonna just let it go and hope, as my friend said, things will fix itself sooner or later. Oh please let that happen. I'm at my wits' end right now.

I need somebody to love

No, that's not a personal statement. Because that's the last thing I need. Its a line from a current hit song that I heard on the radio in the drive home yesterday. It had a nice beat to it and I imagine I'll be listening to it over and over while singing to it and making my brother annoyed at the same time.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I Love You


You = My wonderful gorgeous self.

You = Noelle, the only girl who I let call me a slut and vice versa.

You = Mamon, the only person who can really read me.

You = A handful of friends who's been there for me.

You = My family. Hey, family is family.

And that's all for today =)

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved -George Sand

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Lab Rat

Its raining lightly outside. I got my curtains and windows open and from my spot on my bed I can see the full moon in the dark sky. I got the radio turned on and right now its an Enrique song while I can hear my brother coughing while he plays his computer games. Its cold right now with the rain and the fan, making me shiver as I type this post out.

I know my moods are having a fun time changing between themselves, making me some kind of lab rat for this hormonal experiment. I hate it when that happens. I hate not being in control of the kind of emotion I'm having. Not having a reason for the way I'm feeling.

But I'm calm right now. And I'm having fun. Thank you.

I'm Not Gonna Give This a Title

Is there a term for someone who's suffering from the feeling of being lonely? I'm sure there are but I'm too lazy to google it anyway. I've been feeling lonely for a while now. I can be in a roomful of people and feel so alone. I can be talking to someone and laughing but its so cold around me. I can feel my heart being an empty chamber and my mind trying to grab something that I don't know what it is.

I feel like I'm on a different wavelength compare to the others. I feel like no one can really get me and I know no one will ever do that. I know this is pathetic sounding but hell, I need to talk this here. I'm not gonna tell someone else and burden them. Its all in the mind and I know I'll have to fight it and get back to normal.

Will that happen?

I have no idea.

Its a Special Day

Well, suppose to be but I'm very melancholic right now with no trace of excitement at all. And right now I'm going through an intense feeling of missing. Since last night in fact and I'm not suprised because months ago, I was excited for this day to come and share it with someone. But as they say , we can only plan, its all up to God.

If anyone ask what I want for today I won't be to give an answer. That' s a lie. I already have one wish but I'm not gonna voice it out.

Anyway, happy birthday Hanis.

You're 21 already.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Few More Hours

I remember how I usually act at this time of the year when I was younger. I'll be full of excitement that it annoys my friends and family. I'll be full of reminders and I'll get back sarcastic remarks which just bounces off me.

And now, after consecutive events of negativity happening, I'm just not giving a care about it anymore. I'm not excited. I'm not telling anyone. I'm not saying anything. Its no big deal. Just another day in the year.

Who I'll be when it comes, is a jaded version of who I was years ago.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm Tired

Of people thinking that I'm not serious when I tell them I'm ill or in pain.

Thanks to that, I'm in the office with a very very upset tummy.

I'll try to be strong.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Good Morning

Well, its not a good morning since I'm not a morning person thus me saying its a good morning can only be said as I talk in my sleep, all snuggled up on my bed with my green blanket. Last night my sleep seemed so short. Usually, I'll be waking up few times and look at the time and see its hours before I have to officially get up. But today? My 5.35 alarm woke me up. Which I hit the snooze button on without even realising it.

I hate when that happens -.-

Thankfully I woke up when it went off 10 mins later so the morning process started again. I can't wait for Saturday to come so I can sleeep in. Life's great pleasure.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I'll Stop Procrastinating Right Now

And start this new blog. Officially. I have few drafts in my posts menu but I didn't have the heart or desire to post them. Why? Maybe because they had such raw emotions laced into those words and I know when words are spoken or written, we can't take it back. And I knew I'll regret posting those posts one day. So here's a cheer to my infamous procrastinating behaviour. Told you guys it will benefit me one day. *winks*

Anyway, its Day 14 of my internship and things are good. Better than I expected and hey, I'm not gonna complain. I'm still shocked from the A+ I got for my Calculus 3. Let's allow a moment of boasting here. *clears throat* And we're done.

I'm gonna turn 21 soon. Its THE birthday for most people. The key to being an adult. The key to your freedom. The key to run from being under your parents' power and so on. Mama's reaction to this?

"Pffft. You'll get that key once you get married and your parents don't have to support you anymore"


Oh well, Mama, you can just keep the key away, its gonna be a long time before that happens. Sadly. Or not. I'm not sure. Let's just find out the definition of "a long time" first okay?

*takes a deep breath before smiling slightly*

I'm grateful. I think that sums it all up. Yes, it could have happened in a better way and I could stop getting these urges. But all in all, I'm very grateful for this past month. It like, totallly took this small world of mine, shake all the contents around and making it a chaotic mess before stretching the frame and I was left with a bigger world that's different than before and I think I'm gonna like it.

And I'm gonna end this with telling you how cold I'am right now.



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