Goodbye March.

First of all, there's a poll on the right side of the screen. I'll be grateful if you answered it. Thank you.


I just finished reading Carol Goodman's Incubus. Its a book where the cover might make you think it falls into those fantasy young adult genre which is really popular right now. Well, its a bit different. Darker. Not about destiny or true love.

It has a slow start but I got hooked after the first hundred pages. I like it. I finished it with regret. The ending was bittersweet. Something I might recommend to people. Under "Books that might change a small small part of you".

Its the end of March and I got a test coming up for a subject I'm still clueless about. I've tried doing the problems and I usually end up with this WTF look on my face. The calculations are simple but getting the theory and what it actually want is the hard part.

Last week, I managed to get one of them correct, after putting it aside for few times, over the span of 2 days. I got really giddy and texted a classmate with my boasting of it.

Moving on from that, I bought 5 books last weekend at this warehouse sale of 2nd hand books. I spent twelve ringgit for them, which is about one third the cost for a brand new one. I might do a post on them one day, once I read those romance and mystery novels.

They're on my bookcase, waiting for me to pick one of them up. When I haven't read a new book in some time, I'll devour one when I get my hands on it. But when I have plenty of them, I'll be taking my own sweet time (Thinks of the copy of Under the Dome by Stephen King which is partially read).

March has been ... hectic. Its good for some, blergh for others. Its better than my February, that I can say. Haha. What have you done with your March?

Ideal Place.

Prompt No Seventeen.



I see a room with hardwood flooring. Dark but not shiny. I see a big window with a lovely lovely lovely window seat. Cushions, perfect lighting. You can open the seat and see the books stored in it, mostly historical romances.

The carpet would be lush and thick. Creamy white. One would just love to dig their toes in while standing there. There would be two big cushions there, for one to lie on for a nap with the sun filtering in through the lace curtains.

Two of the walls would have floor to ceiling shelves. With the books categorised alphabetically, most showing their wears and tears through years of rereading. There would be one of those ladders that you can push around, to reach the higher shelves.

The walls would be this pretty olive green with framed puzzles that will glow in the dark. There would be a big one of Pooh and friends, camping. I'll probably put up another of the constellations.

The room would have this great surround system so I can just sit anywhere and listen to that song over and over. Just one click of a button and the sweet melody will play.

I see a beautiful wooden desk. Something with secret drawers. The light from the window behind would give the perfect mood for one to write.

If I ever get tired, there's the lovely cream sofa bed. Pillows, duvet. With a bedside table that has a notebook and pen on it.

Its a room where sometimes, you'll get tempted to slide across the floor in your stockings. Where you'll lounge in your pajamas while eating that biscuit you just baked. The room where you'll lose yourself in a plot.

Now, wouldn't that be perfect?

Poem of Need.

Hot chocolate in a green mug,

Feet in warm socks tucked in bed,

Historical romance novel,

Hug, kiss, hand to hold,

Sleepover conversation

Secrets passed in whispers,

Giggles in pillows,

Ticket to anywhere,

Hard backed notebook,

Lines waiting for personal thoughts,

Bar of dark chocolate,

To be eaten alone.

Prompted by this.

Session Five.

Favourite song of the moment.

Haven't you heard,
I'm stuck on a verse,
I'm stuck on a boy,
Who fills me with joy.

Kate Walsh- Your Song.

I don't listen to this song over and over. But I hum it in class while taking down notes. It doesn't represent my current emotional state but the melody is so sweet.

And he doesn't know,
Just how far I would go,
Just to kiss him,
He doesn't know,
How I pine.


At what age did you become an adult?

Hmm. I'm still halfway, I think.


Do you consider yourself to be lazy?

Yes. I prove that with my last minute studying, my last minute struggle to finish my work. I also prove it with my ugly notes. I cringe at giving them to people because I'm sure they'll cringe at it.

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with.

I have this fear of revealing myself to someone and then being judged. There's so many layers to me and yes, the people that know most of them are my exes and Mokesart.

No, we're not together

So, the last deep conversation I had was most probably with .. Mokesart. Surprise. What was it about? Hmmm. Must be something to do with one of my insecurities.

Why him? He doesn't judge. He listens. He tries to understand. God. Yes, page him if you need someone to talk to. Just don't mention that you like Katy Perry/Taylor Swift/Lady Gaga.


5 things you want/ need to buy.

Just for the fun, I'm splitting this into two lists, possible with current budget and possible with imaginary budget.

First List
One- That pretty pretty pair of flats I saw the other day. If only they come with a slight heel. I'm stuck between the black, the violet and the purple ones.

Two- I was watching Glee last week when I saw uinn wearing this plain headband with this big-ish black flower on the side. It looked so pretty. I'm now on a mission to buy a headband with a smaller flower. Never mind that I'll be wearing it at home only but a girl still wants to be pretty.

Three- I have a love for facial masks and hair masks. Nothing makes me feel more spoiled when I'm wearing one.

Four- Books. I just bought 5 used books during the weekend. But books aren't something you can put a limit to.

Five- Soy bean milk. I have a hankering for some. Cold.


Second List

One- More books. Unlimited.

Two- One of those high tech phones that look just the same to me. Mainly for the games.

Three- Ebook reader. I know, I love books but well, sometimes an ebook reader is much lighter in my bag while being filled with plenty and plenty of ebooks that I currently have in my laptop.

Four- Ticket to somewhere I want to go. I'm not sure where to but do include the travelling plans budget in there.

Five- New keyboard. Or new laptop.

Weird things you do when you're alone.

Daydream, which is most of where my ideas for stories/poetry come from. I don't know if anything I do classifies as weird.


A book you want to read/have recently read.

Since I already did a post of book reviews, I'll answer this one with a book I want to read. My first idea for my answer would be the tenth book in the Black Dagger Brotherhood series. If I'm not mistaken, its going to come out sometime this year.

But then, something wild came to my mind. I would really really like to read another Harry Potter book. May it be the 8th one or one about the generation before. Yes, some of you might think "God, another one." but I just love that series.

What do you want to major in?

*pretends I'm still in high school*

I want to major in Creative Writing.

*is back in reality, final year of university*

If someone tells me I can't do what I'm currently doing, I'll be doing something Economics wise. Or Finance. Which might just put me in the School of Business.

*is in a perfect world*

Sexuality Studies seems .. fun.

When was the last time you were nervous?

Hmmm. While waiting for my results. I tend to overthink them and always end up convincing myself I've failed everything.

Charming My Way Through Life.

*skips into my room, bringing a pretty box*

This is the post that I mentioned a while ago. Its the post explaining how I kept myself occupied during my first week of uni.

I found this lovely site where the lady makes jewelry which consisted mostly of bracelets and necklaces. It is one of my more girly habit of admiring such trinkets.

Such admiring led to me emailing her which led to me browsing the site for ideas.

Ideas?

What for?

Well ... for a customised piece. To be more precise, for my very own charm bracelet.

I dragged Mokesart into the whole choosing process. My enthusiasm was contagious because soon:

Hanis: Look at this flower, this one and this one too.

Mokesart: Hmm. Oooh. I like the 2nd one but perhaps in blue.

Yes. It took most of 2 days.

The lady was very nice, patient with my demands.

Hanis' Demands

8 very specific charms, completed with the various links of each one from her blog.

The arrangement style, which certainly took me some time to look for. There were like, a bajillion styles. It was like being in a bookstore filled with every single book that will ever interest me.

The whole ordering part took about 3 days. Payment followed (50 ringgit including delivery) and then it was made. Delivered but then ... the postman came over when no one was home. So today, I went to pick it up and I just love it.

Here's some pictures of it:

Yes, those are a H, cookie jar, carousel, castle, bunch of keys, globe, book and a feather.

H- Hanis

Cookie jar- The temptations of life which I sometimes, dip my had into.

Carousel- The child in me.

Castle- It reminds me of Cinderella's castle which of course reminds me of one of to-do things. Go to every single Disney theme park.

Bunch of keys- I'm the one holding the keys to my happiness, my dreams and my success.

Globe- I'm going to travel the world one day.

Book- My first love, reading.

uill- My second love, writing.

Yes, this charm bracelet is very personal to me.

Here's another picture.

Haha.

I encourage you to visit her blog and Etsy. Perhaps you'll find something you like (yes, she deliver internationally).

*skips off*

Good, Nice, Bad?

I've seen so many statements/opinions regarding this particular finnicky subject. It is a topic that some might say mysterious or plain ludicrous. What matter is it? Well, some might term it as:

What kind of a guy does girls want.

I'm sticking to that. Using my birth right as a woman, I can confidently answer that for me, I have no freakin idea.

To put it in a simple context, let's put aside the physical part and touch on one section which I've read like, a trillion times in the mags I read.

Good guys vs Bad boys.

Le sigh.

How do I put it? Well, everything that is written after this is purely Hanis' opinion so do not bash me. I don't even have a specific body type that I like in a guy. Its the person itself as a whole that attracts me.

First of all, I've read on some guys complaining how being the good guy has made them ended up being friendzoned by the very girl who bitched on how she wants a good guy who won't break her heart like the last asshole.

Hmm. There's the good guy and there's the nice guy. There's a thin line between those two. Its as fine as the line between the girl who's saving herself and the virginal prude.

Does that put the point across clearly?

I'm not dissing nice guys but sometimes, they can be such sticks in the mud. Let me give you an example.

Girl: Oh, B is a good guy. <--- Read how she says good, as in giving approval of his core character.

Girl: Oh, C is a nice guy. <--- Yawn. Nice. Friendzoned level 99.

I think most girls want that guy to be a mixture of both good and bad. Yes, some even nurse the fantasy of taming the bad boy.

Pfffft. Honey, stop watching those movies and reading those romance novels. That ain't happening.

Come to think of it, some girls want the bad boy as a way of rebelling. Or a way to know the other side of the fence. *shrugs* I never got into those bad ass guys. Unless its Draco Malfoy.

Maybe a girl just want a good guy who is rebelling slightly. Who might open up her eyes to the world. Who'll take her hand and lead her into adventures she herself is afraid of starting on alone.

But yes, being too nice does get you friendzoned. Don't be a jerk by telling your girl friend to stfu when she's bitching about the asshole. Just perhaps, tell her to listen to herself and do something about it. Like, bitching to the asshole before dumping his ass.

You'll get more respect that way and hey, she might look at you differently. No guarantees.

Now this is perhaps something I've never admitted to anyone but I see the appeal in a guy who might be just a bit fucked up. That .. novelty. That "I can help him." feeling. God. Its addictive. I've been through it. No, you won't be the love of his life. You'll just be another girl. Or at most, the girl who helped him move on before finding the love of his life (which is so not you).

Well, that's it. Oh, what kind of guy I want? I told you. I have no freakin idea. But I can say that he has to be prepared to take me to all of the Disney theme parks. Of course not in one go. Silly.

Words. Hurt. Relationships. Kill.

She was once strong. Very strong. But then, she fell in love.

The first left her with a belief that people's happiness are above hers.

The second last saw her on her knees, holding onto her broken self esteem.

She gave it another shot, foolishly so.

He thought her as weak. With scorn, he told her so in the most unrefined way with words. He didn't see the way a tiny fraction of the light in her eyes died. He saw the stiffening of her spine, the stubborn raise of her chin as arrogance. He accused her of no self respect.

He had no idea.

Confession No.32

That travel plan? I'm cancelling it.

The 2nd part to it is not even going to help.

Confession No.31

I swear every time I see you, I want to nibble on you.

I don't mean that in a "I'm hungry" way.

Yes, I mean it the other way

.

Session Four.

Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My future husband. Haha.

Well, to make this sound so cliche, I'm looking forward to see the person who will help bring out the best in me, and who will go to all the Disney theme parks with me.

I mean

What is your favorite form of exercise?

For now, I like walking. Walking until my legs feel funny. Until I can feel the drops of sweat sliding down my back. Its much easier to get ready for a walk, compare to go swimming. I still like swimming, but for now, walking first.

Why my last relationship ended.

Official relationship or non official?

Haha. Relationship can be between two friends, or two people who ... adore the other.

Distance. Difference. Lies. It was doomed from the start.

Enough said.

Favorite football club.

Erm, well, I don't really watch football.

Concerts I've been to.

Other than my brother's concert back in pre-school, none. Mama won't let me I don't like crowds. Even the thought of spending my money on a ticket.... Well. Yeah. I might go to one one day but who knows.

Now I think of it, I would rather lie in bed with the air conditioning on, heavy rain outside with my earphones on, my favourite songs playing while reading a book. Tell me that doesn't sound just as fun, and cheaper.

Your reflection in the mirror

I see a smile that shows a hint of straight teeth. I see a full face with acne scars (and some acne). I see dark brown eyes that crinkle at the sides when I smile. I see black hair darker than my black t shirt. I see a glint of the necklace Mama gave me as a child. I see longing. Hope. Desire. I see me.

Lines Oh Lines.

Here is a collection of lines from a group of songs in my phone. Well, basically from the Most Played playlist. Do not judge me. Oh do guess the songs. Godchild if you get half of them.

I wonder what was wrong with you, Cause how you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me.

The coup de grace that set me off, Would've made for decent fiction.

The tears that will fall, Means nothing at all, You have to get over yourself.

Did you regret, Ever standing by my side.

Cause you're a criminal as long as you're mine.

You popped my heart seams, all my bubble dreams, bubble dreams.

Tonight, Out on the street in the moonlight, Damn it, This feels just too right.

We were young, We were wrong, We were fine, all along.

Talk to the wind, Talk to the sky, Talk to the man with the reasons why, Let me know what you find.

Don't look at me.

Cause everything inside, It never comes out right, When I see you cry, It makes me want to die.

Cupid came back to me, He cried for so many nights.

What you don't understand is that, I'll catch a grenade for you.

I croak to you baby and I'll fall to your feet,I'll howl at your beauty like a dog in heat.

My illusion, My mistake, I was careless, I forgot, I did.

If love were a human it would know me, In a lost space come and show me, Hold me and control me and then, Melt me slowly down.

I decided long ago, Never to walk in anyone's shadows.

You're gonna be the one that saves me, and after all, You're my wonderwall.

Save me, I'm lost. Oh lord, I've been waiting for you.



I skipped the classical music since those are either wordless or in languages I don't understand. If you want to know which ones, just refer to Fantasia (the Disney movie not the singer).

Some of the lines above might be obvious. Some might make you Google them and then come up with few songs.

Reviewing Books.

I wish I can say I've been busy with my first week back to even post an update. But I've been home for most of the week since well, its the first week. When I go to the class, there won't be a lecturer. When I skipped it, there would be one. So, I just thought:

"Fuck this, I'll go home."

For the past few days, I've been caught with something special. Something I'll blog about. With pictures. It might be another week or two before that particular post comes up but do be patient, you'll love it.

I don't know what to post about until I realised I haven't talked about the books I read lately. So here are the reviews for some of the books I've read.

Songs of the Humpback Whale by Jodi Picoult
I love Jodi Picoult. But then, I love her books where there's someone going into court for murder or something. I find that as the fun part. But this one, is her first ever book. It was confusing. It wasn't even interesting enough for me to keep on reading even after I flipped the pages to read the ending. Since it is her first book, I think its just her before she really found her niche.

Sleepyhead by Mark Billingham
This crime/mystery/medical book starts off a bit boring. I put it down and picked it back up 2 weeks later. It gets interesting after a while with the book encouraging us to think one character is indeed the person who's killing/leaving women in comas all over town. Its not predictable which is great.

Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs
This is said to be a memoir. Well, if memoir means the story of your life with a bit of exaggeration then indeed, it is a memoir. Its pretty interesting. It makes me think "Woah, there's people like that?". If you're looking for something light to read while eating alone or before you go to bed, do pick up this one.

Looking for Alaska by John Green
Well. I expected it to be as great as Perks of Being a Wallflower which might be the reason why I was reading this book with slight boredom. I finished it with a shrug and told Mokesart that it was an okay book but I wouldn't rave about it to others. This book has been recommended to me by so many but .. I think the build up of that lead to reality being less so than expectation.

Beautiful People by Wendy Holder
To be honest, I picked this book because on the cover, Glamour wrote that its "a modern day Jilly Cooper" which I must say, is totally untrue. I've read one book of Jilly and I fell in love with it. Beautiful People lacks character development. It even borders a bit on those chick lit books that are kinda superficial that I dislike them.
Note to self: Stick to Marian Keyes.

Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult
I hate the ending. It made me cry. It made me think that the whole struggle in the book was useless. But this book made me realised one thing.

In her books, there would sometimes be a normal nuclear family. Mother, father, children. When one child is the matter of importance such as the suspect or the reason a lawsuit is happening, I usually end up hating the mother. Why?

Well, in this book, Willow has OI, a condition which makes her bones so easily breakable. The mother decided to sue the obstetrician due to money constraints. Fun thing is, its her best friend. The father disagrees. The mother gets all matryr like by struggling for her daughter, neglecting her older daughter who began cutting herself and developing bullimia. Let's not forget, they nearly divorced too.

For some reason, I just hate the mother. It reminded me so much of the mother in My Sister's Keeper. But all in all, this is a Jodi Picoult novel, hence I love it.





That is all for my reviews. I'm off to read Neil Gaiman's Stardust and Carolyn Hennesy's Pandora gets Jealous.

Confession No.30

I'm waiting for the moment where I can stand back and clap my hands while I look on at the mess

.

That Pre-Semester Post.

I'm starting classes on Monday, starting out my final year of uni (hears Mama's voice saying "Finally") which I'm sure would be challenging and full of self building last minute work because that's the way I do it.

I'll be moving in to a condo just beside uni, sharing a room with 3 other girls (I've only met one) while pretending I'm living independently. Its only a ten minute walk from my faculty and 4 minutes away from the bus stop for days where I got classes at the other end of the freaking campus.

To be honest, I'm kinda excited to start classes. Not because I love learning like Hermione Granger, but I'll welcome the distraction very much. I'm not sure if the place I'll be staying in has wireless but if not, then the much better it is. Don't worry, I'll still be coming home on weekends so I might blog about what pain my subjects are.

Speaking about subjects ...

I'm finally taking my last soul sucking Arabic course this semester. I managed a B+ last semester and I'm super proud of that.

There would be 7 subjects this semester, just like the past one. I'll be as mad as I was last semester. Hopefully, I'll study harder.


Now, why do I want the distraction? Well, remember the post where I mentioned how sad I was feeling? Well, there's no exact post (I think) where I wrote:

"I'm really sad."

But there were some that had sadness as the undertone. That sadness has gotten married to anger and had a child named bitterness. I'll taste the last emotion in my mouth when I wake up, my eyes brimming with the first emotion while my hands shook with the 2nd one.

It came to the point where I wasn't talking much to Mokesart for a week or more. No, he has nothing to do with it. In fact, he's the one who's been patient and being sad seeing me sad.

I got mad at some other people. Mama noticed how I was being low that she let me eat some of the delicious cooking chocolate.

Today, after getting better then plunging back down, I deactivated my Facebook, deleted my Tumblrs, deleted some other things and I feel a bit lighter. Just a tad.

Is there a specific reason? Yes. Will I tell about it on here? Not yet. No. I don't know. I might want things to mend itself but I'm not going to do it.

Here's to hoping classes would make me feel way way better than now.