I Don't Need a Man to Make Me Feel Complete.

1. The marrying age.

Ages ago, you were at prime marrying age when you got your period for the first time. In those historical romance novels I read, if you're still single by the time you're 20, you're never ever ever getting married. In my mother's days, if you're not married at age 25, you're on the fast track to spinsterdom where people will wonder if something is wrong with you.

Now, at this age and year, isn't it logical if there's no such thing as a marrying age?

I've been the victim to such nosy questions from relatives(near and far) on my availability and when in the world am I going to get married.

First of all, if you're not going to help me pay for that wedding or if you don't have a guy to introduce me to you better stop asking me such things.

Its people like these that make so many girls think:

I have to get married before its too late. If I become a spinster, I'll end up the topic of family meetings and I'll live with 12 cats and have nothing of interest.

WRONG.

2. Lack of self worth is the root of the problem.

In my opinion, most women today have a low self worth. I'm not talking about confidence, appearance etc. I'm talking about what you think you deserve.

Example One: I know girls who think that if they don't get married and have kids, they're a failure.

If you're one of those girls, you got a problem. This is the 21st Century, women aren't breeders. They are strong individuals who can have dreams. Okay, you can dream of having kids , heck, I got the names for my future babies already, but don't think that you amount to nothing if somehow, you don't get those kids.

Example Two: You're approaching an age, friends are getting married right and left. People are asking you. You get desperate, full of fear of spinsterhood. You grabbed any Jack,John, Brian aka some guy.

Sadly, this one happens so often.

You got low self worth if you think just any guy will do.

I'm not talking about looking for an attractive/hot guy, but someone whose personality, emotionally is perfect for you. If you think any guy will do as long as you get married, I look down on you.

Mothers, this is where you come in. If you raised your daughter right, she'll have high self worth. Don't ruin this. And if you didn't know, what you tell her, will have a big impact.

3. Society should stop telling us what to do.

I just hate society. I just hate what they think. You should not let their opinions push you to do Example Two. As I always said to some people:

I'm the one who's going to get married and share a bed with that guy. Not society. Not my mother. Not my neighbour. So its up to me.

You should not let yourself be persuaded to do things by them.

Don't get married because they say its your prime age.

Don't have kids because they tell you "Why else would you get married for?'

Woah woah woah. Over here, that's apparently why you get married.

To breed. To have kids.

Not because you love someone and you want to spend your life with them.

And definitely not because your religion does not allow pre-marital sex. If a girl over here can tell me that perhaps, the main reason of they wanting to get married is to get down and dirty, I'm going to treat them to a Subway cookie and applaud them.

If you want to get married, do it for personal reasons. DO it because you actually want to. I'll get married for the sex

4. Have big dreams, not related to getting married and having babies.

Be selfish. I'm becoming that. I don't see it my duty to continue my family's next generation. I want to work, make money and travel.

I want to write and a publish a novel. I want to go to Disney theme parks. I want to jump off a plane.

Yes, you can do that if you're married too, but try putting yourself first. Don't dash those dreams away for that status.

I have nothing against marriage. I just have a problem with people getting on that bandwagon without thinking properly. Yes, you can achieve your dreams but what if you have to put them aside for a decade or so?

This is what I mean by being selfish.

When you're selfish, you'll grow to be your own person.

I told Mama that I'm more eager to go on my first trip with Amnah then finding a guy. If I find one whose awesome and makes me weak in the knees, great. But that doesn't mean I'm cancelling my trip. It just means that we're going to Rome for our honeymoon.


I hope that this jumbled up post managed to make you think, even a bit.


If you're still confused, perhaps this lyric might make it a bit clearer:

I don't need a man to make it happen,

I get off being free,

I don't need a man to make me feel good,

I get off doing my thing,

I don't need a ring around my finger,

To make me feel complete.