Sunday, August 19, 2012

I Don't Need a Man to Make Me Feel Complete.

1. The marrying age.

Ages ago, you were at prime marrying age when you got your period for the first time. In those historical romance novels I read, if you're still single by the time you're 20, you're never ever ever getting married. In my mother's days, if you're not married at age 25, you're on the fast track to spinsterdom where people will wonder if something is wrong with you.

Now, at this age and year, isn't it logical if there's no such thing as a marrying age?

I've been the victim to such nosy questions from relatives(near and far) on my availability and when in the world am I going to get married.

First of all, if you're not going to help me pay for that wedding or if you don't have a guy to introduce me to you better stop asking me such things.

Its people like these that make so many girls think:

I have to get married before its too late. If I become a spinster, I'll end up the topic of family meetings and I'll live with 12 cats and have nothing of interest.


2. Lack of self worth is the root of the problem.

In my opinion, most women today have a low self worth. I'm not talking about confidence, appearance etc. I'm talking about what you think you deserve.

Example One: I know girls who think that if they don't get married and have kids, they're a failure.

If you're one of those girls, you got a problem. This is the 21st Century, women aren't breeders. They are strong individuals who can have dreams. Okay, you can dream of having kids , heck, I got the names for my future babies already, but don't think that you amount to nothing if somehow, you don't get those kids.

Example Two: You're approaching an age, friends are getting married right and left. People are asking you. You get desperate, full of fear of spinsterhood. You grabbed any Jack,John, Brian aka some guy.

Sadly, this one happens so often.

You got low self worth if you think just any guy will do.

I'm not talking about looking for an attractive/hot guy, but someone whose personality, emotionally is perfect for you. If you think any guy will do as long as you get married, I look down on you.

Mothers, this is where you come in. If you raised your daughter right, she'll have high self worth. Don't ruin this. And if you didn't know, what you tell her, will have a big impact.

3. Society should stop telling us what to do.

I just hate society. I just hate what they think. You should not let their opinions push you to do Example Two. As I always said to some people:

I'm the one who's going to get married and share a bed with that guy. Not society. Not my mother. Not my neighbour. So its up to me.

You should not let yourself be persuaded to do things by them.

Don't get married because they say its your prime age.

Don't have kids because they tell you "Why else would you get married for?'

Woah woah woah. Over here, that's apparently why you get married.

To breed. To have kids.

Not because you love someone and you want to spend your life with them.

And definitely not because your religion does not allow pre-marital sex. If a girl over here can tell me that perhaps, the main reason of they wanting to get married is to get down and dirty, I'm going to treat them to a Subway cookie and applaud them.

If you want to get married, do it for personal reasons. DO it because you actually want to. I'll get married for the sex

4. Have big dreams, not related to getting married and having babies.

Be selfish. I'm becoming that. I don't see it my duty to continue my family's next generation. I want to work, make money and travel.

I want to write and a publish a novel. I want to go to Disney theme parks. I want to jump off a plane.

Yes, you can do that if you're married too, but try putting yourself first. Don't dash those dreams away for that status.

I have nothing against marriage. I just have a problem with people getting on that bandwagon without thinking properly. Yes, you can achieve your dreams but what if you have to put them aside for a decade or so?

This is what I mean by being selfish.

When you're selfish, you'll grow to be your own person.

I told Mama that I'm more eager to go on my first trip with Amnah then finding a guy. If I find one whose awesome and makes me weak in the knees, great. But that doesn't mean I'm cancelling my trip. It just means that we're going to Rome for our honeymoon.

I hope that this jumbled up post managed to make you think, even a bit.

If you're still confused, perhaps this lyric might make it a bit clearer:

I don't need a man to make it happen,
I get off being free,
I don't need a man to make me feel good,
I get off doing my thing,
I don't need a ring around my finger,
To make me feel complete.


Mark said...

You don't need a man nah. You're allowed to be selfish and you can settle down whenever you're ready :) Travel, write, do whatever you want, and then when you're good and ready, a man will come along. Or the one who's already there will become noticeable. *coughmozartcough*

AZ said...

This! This is all that I've been wanting to say but didn't have the right words! My heart spelled out right here!
The situation is the same if not worse in Pakistan(where I live). And yeah I want to get married to be happy and do the *ahem* other thing rather than just pop out baby after baby. You have no idea how much women here have to hear if they don't get a baby within an year of marriage, they think something's wrong and in some extreme cases even divorce em......just sad I tell you

Juli said...

HA! Any one who gets married just to have sex is in for some serious disappointment. :)

And the real secret is not to find a man who completes you, but to find one who makes you better. :)

cricketfreak said...

You're lucky you aren't Indian, or you would have had an arranged marriage by now. Hey at least your relatives are just complaining...not making you marry someone you barely know!

Laila N Mysis said...

I'm the one who's going to get married and share a bed with that guy. Not society. Not my mother. Not my neighbour. So its up to me. - Lawl, love that ^^

Getting married and having kids is part of my dream, and I'd like to do it ASAP. I do have other stuff in mind - I want to be a midwife, I want to do that travel-voluntary work, and I too want to write a publish-worthy novel, but having my own family has always been a big part of my life.

Ironically, although many Curry Muslim mums say the stuff yours does, my mother comes down like a Nazi. She says:

You will NOT get married straight after school, you WILL get into Uni and you WILL finish a course and have an occupation, and until then, men do NOT come into the picture.

Oh, and: you will NOT marry a village boy like your father -_-'

... whilst my sister is dying to get married :P I love how you say all of this - rather than being a random jumble, it makes complete sense.

Laila N Mysis said...

& Btw, Eid Mubarak x)

Izzy Hilliard said...

Haha even at the age of 15 I've been seriously asked by girls if I'm "lonely," because I don't have a boyfriend. I always reply, "Nope. I haven't found a guy right for me yet. Plus, I'm 15 and not really looking for the one right now."

Hanis. said...

@Mark: Haha, nahh. He got his eye on someone else. And I'm not sad :P

@AZ: I know what you mean. Just yesterday my mom asked my cousin who's been marrying over a year if she's pregnant and when she says no, my mom just pats her tummy and say "It will come soon" >.>

@Juli: Haha, but over here I'm surrounded by girls who still think sex is for the guy. And ooh, thanks for the secret. Now, to find him.

@cricketfreak: I'm lucky enough my parents are not like that. I know of people who marry the person their parents tell them to, for the sake of being a good child >.>

@Laila: Hahaha, I love your mom. Mine wants me to get married but she's been drilling few things into my head since I was a kid.

"Study well, get good results, good job, NEVER QUIT"

Because for her, you can't trust a man with your life for you to stop working.

She wants me to get married to some "good" boy from a "good" family. The qualities she want makes me think of a boring typical Malay guy who would think my love for books is a waste.

@Izzy: At 15? Wow. I'm proud of you. Haha. Well, I don't think one should feel lonely. For a moment every 2 months, its normal. But to actually want a guy because of that? Bad idea.

Lioness Without A Pride said...

"When you're selfish, you'll grow to be your own person."

Best thing ever written.

PurpleMist. said...

I LOVE this post.
I can totally relate to it. And since I'm from Pakistan (even though I live in Malaysia) and the situation is even worse there -.-
Like, there is suck a huge generation gap and the way we think is so different from our parents.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...