Thursday, August 9, 2012

Rant with Amnah: Being Fat and Is That Your Problem, Mister?

Amnah (someone who I sat beside for 3 years in school, bickered with, and so much more in our 10 years of knowing each other) and I was ranting and whining about how certain things are in life. Well, nahhh. More like, we were talking about how things are a bit unfair and biased, when it comes to women. And if said woman happens to be overweight, hell, things just got complicated.

"I got a friend I want to introduce to you. He doesn't really care about things."

Now, "things" = weight.

First of all, my weight is my problem. I don't even see it as something to be mentioned. I'm not going to go into an interview and when I'm asked my biggest weakness, I ain't gonna go all:

"Its my weight. I just love fooood too much so now I'm fat. FAT I SAY."

I've seen this kind of thing going on before. Where the weight is seen as a setback. Hell, in my opinion crooked teeth when you got the money to get braces done, is a bigger problem. Since people are being so superficial, let me tell you that:

Nah, he doesn't really care that you're dark.

He doesn't mind that you're taller than him.

Crooked teeth.

Spotty face.

Donkey laugh.

Lack of class.

You get what I'm trying to say here?

If you want to introduce someone, be proud of who they are. Not add "but" in your introduction. Its an insult, when someone wants to introduce you to a guy with something that is clearly a "negative" in their eyes. Its like saying "He might not be good enough for me, but he'll be good enough for you."

My next concern, that made me went all "emo" on my friend, who actually appreciated and agreed with me. I told her that if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. Not for some guy or friends who tell you to. Don't let people push you. Like, look at all those Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover shows. They'll cry and the trainers will ask them:

"Who are you doing this for?"

"MYSELF!" *with tears running down their faces*

For yourself. Not for some superficial guy, which leads to a whole other thing.

Dear girls/guys,

If you ever go through a makeover, go through a late growth spurt, lose weight etc, ignore those who before transformation, ignored you or didn't see you fit for their special attention or were too embarassed to show it to the public.

Like, if you weren't good enough for them before, they sure as hell are not good enough for you, ever.

Its like friendship. Avoid the friends who are only there for the laughters, never for the tears.

I know of married couples where they made an agreement that they won't go above a certain weight.

I was 14 when I heard of that, and no, its not some Hollywood couple. Its couples that I know in life. Like, your wife has given you a bajillion kids, held your hand when things get tough, and you tell her:

"Oh honey, I don't like that tiny flab on your tummy."

What kind of marriage is that? You're supposed to love each other through health and sickness, rich and poor.

So as I told Amnah, if a guy rejects you due to your appearance, you just snap your fingers and tell them:

"I'm way too hot for you anyway."


"You're no Ambercombie & Fitch's model, mister."


"You're just used to your lower standards."

She then said, that is something I would say. To which I replied that she should be more confident of her own self worth.

"To be honest, you ain't ugly. You got a sweet face." <--- actual conversation

She then made me write this into a blog post, and another one is going to come, and it will be more on that self worth. Expect female empowerment.


Lioness Without A Pride said...

This is all true. But I think you missed one detail; even mums do this. Like there is a girl in my class at college that doesn't get to eat what she likes because her mother forbids her from getting fat before she gets married. IN her words, "Eat all you want when you're married." It's like, marriage and attracting the perfect "catch" is the be all and end all of a woman's life. I mean seriously? What if my classmate (for the sake of argument) had the talents of being a good food critic, but never discovered it due to not being allowed to eat different kinds of things? You know what I mean? What if she wanted to, and could, do so many better things that are being taken away from her because she has to get married to a "nice" guy of her parents' choice?

And then there's worse things that happen. Apparently my friend's mum was trying to get her (my friend's) older sister to meet some guy she was trying to set her up with, and she said, "He doesn't mind that you're fat and all."

When mothers themselves teach girls that they're not enough, or not perfect the way they are, what other choice to girls have than to succumb to the effed up standards of society?

Which is why I'm one of those persons that believe that if women respected and understood each other more, there'd be lesser heartache in the world. Forget about feminism and guys. To me, being a feminist means loving your fellow woman first, and not judging her, and accepting everyone as what they are.

cricketfreak said...

Hahaha, I liked this post.
Though to be honest being overweight has never hindered anyone I know from finding their love.

Hanis. said...

@Lioness: Moms. I seriously believe that the mother makes or breaks the daughter. This is something I'm gonna touch on that other rant coming up.

"When mothers themselves teach girls that they're not enough, or not perfect the way they are, what other choice to girls have than to succumb to the effed up standards of society?"

I know how this feel. It has taken me years and tons of reading and some good friends to realise that hey, society is just really bitchy and picky.

I feel bad for your friend. Its a really obvious situation with the "You can get fat once you're married." which is perhaps one of the worst advice a mother can give.

Most mothers don't realise the power they have over their daughters, and if they do, they abuse it. God. And I love you for your wisdom.

@cricketfreak: Exactly. Its just that most people around us that make it seem that way.

Mark said...

I know plenty of overweight people in love. I am losing weight for myself. That is the reason I always failed to do it before. I tried to change myself for someone else. Now, I'm trying to do it for me. So I can feel better about myself, and more confident. So I can love myself too. I know it takes more then being thin for that to happen though. Don't tell anyone, but I am starting to love myself a bit even now.

Laila N Mysis said...


And and and, have you come across those guys that have a list of requirements when looking for a wife?


1. She must be fair.
2. Must be young.
3. Must be around this height.
4. Must have many brothers.
5. Must come from a rich family.

And on and on and on? And then, if a girl was to demand the same thing, it's like... o.O

I donno, maybe it's different because it's where I come from, but I get what you mean. I hate double-standards and (sometimes unknowingly) obnoxious comments. And people who change themselves for others. Gah.

Looking forward to the female empowerment x)


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