Part One of My Absence.

Warning: You might be tempted to google the words in bold.

I was kidnapped by aliens who decided I was the perfect specimen to do research on. When we got there, they found I was lacking so they sent me back after giving me the whole tourist guide shebang.

I mean.

I was abducted by a gang of gypsies that sold me to a harem of belly dancers where they trained me to perfection before the owner said I had such a stubborn look on my face I wouldn't do.

Oh wait.

I had to go to some faraway land filled with hot white guys who fawn over me.

No.

It was Eid Mubarak and as tradition states over here, most of us will balik kampung which means going back to our hometown into our family's bosom. But if someone's like me, born and bred near the city area, we'll go back to a respective parent's hometown. And that is a battle in itself.

Mama: Hanis, whose side did we celebrate the 1st day of Syawal with?

Hanis: I don't remember.

Dad: Mine of course.

Mama: No, no. Mine

Bro: I'm not involved in this at all.

This year, we went to Mama's hometown. A 4 hour long drive, that is without traffic jam where I spent about 3.5 hours sleeping in the back seat since we went back on the 2nd last day of fasting so we couldn't get any snack breaks.

Mama comes from quite the countryside though we don't have that scenery, perfect for tourism place where the wooden house on stilts is placed so near some paddy fields. God, far from it. The nearest we have is some oil palm plantation.

Hanis at age 15: Mama, I think the plantation would be a great place to make a horror movie.

Mama: Hanis. Don't.

What did we do? First of all, we don't have indoor plumbing. Back when I was a little girl, the toilet was a stall about 20 feet away from the house, surrounded by wild animals bushes and maybe some lizards. I remember crying and Mama asking the front door neighbour who had a good old fashioned inside bathroom if I can use it.

Few years later, we had a toilet built in the ... garage, if you can call it that. Its basically a small building attached to the house but where you have to exit through the kitchen door and walk a bit to the garage and let yourself in. Its ... well, its better than that shack in the middle of lizard land.

Mama comes from a big family, she's the 3rd of 8. This time around, we had at most, 7 out of 8 in the house at the same time. That's 14 adults including my Grandma and 22 grandchildren. And I was the 2nd oldest with the eldest being married and having her own little boy.

There's plenty of little hellspawns ones with the cute toddlers and babies all disliking/torturing me.

So, on the day before, we cooked up a storm with ketupat, nasi impit, beef rendang, chicken curry and noodle soup (Mi Sup) filled with bits and pieces of beef, fat and tripe. Imagine, big big woks and pots filled with food.

Us Malaysians are all about food. Trust me.

Oh dear, this post is getting too long. Next post will be about how my first two days of Syawal went and of course my trip back to civilisation home.

Peace Out.