When One Thing Goes Wrong, Another Follows.

Its my 2nd one week break of this semester. Its only been 2 days in but god, its been so hectic.

First of all, my phone's touchscreen killed itself few days ago, then when I got back home on Friday afternoon, my half of my laptop keyboard decided to join A,Q and Z in their early retirement plan. With no notice.

Of course I got a mini hissy fit where Mama told me to calm my ass down (nicely) and to think logically. So on Saturday, I set off to get some things done.

1. Pick up my new glasses
2. Send in my phone to be repaired
3. Buy a USB keyboard

My glasses look perfect. A nice green but I'm still in love with my old black with white swirly designs one.

Apparently, the touchscreen is not under waranty and it would cost me 100 ringgit ish to get it repaired, and there's no guarantees it would stay functional for eternity as long as I use it. So, I'm now using this old phone, where there's not even Snake on it for me to play. And yes, some of the buttons require patience.

I bought a pretty keyboard which I'm using right now.

Today, is my cousin's wedding. Yesterday, my parents went over to help with things. Malaysian or Malay weddings are soooo family oriented that the whole family comes together and helps out. But then *Dum dum DUM*, my brother got really sick yesterday, with a super high fever.

Which led to us both staying at home (so I can take care of him) where I spent the day cooking, buying those fever patches, taking care of him and frankly, falling sick myself.

I spent 20 minutes sitting on the shower floor, with the water running while I sang Call Me, Maybe. Mokesart said:

"You're either ill or depressed."

I think its a mix of both. No, I'm not depressed from taking care of my brother but from something that happened earlier last week. But then, I think I did pretty well for my Financial Eco test and the lecturer asked me if I could do the questions. Which is always good for me, when the lecturer remembers my name. Most of the time, when the lecturer remembers me and ask me things, I get an A in that subjet.

Yes, I think my mind is moving a bit too fast at the moment due to my activities this weekend. I'll be blogging more with my new keyboard in between trying to squeeze in some studying and assignment doing.

To my cousin, May you have a wonderful loving marriage till the end of your lives.

Words oh Words.

Got a secret,

Don't keep it,

Whisper to me,

It won't pass my lips.

I tried writing a poem yesterday. I knew what I wanted to say. It was to represent the state of my emotions. But for the first time, words failed me.

There were bits so clear in my mind but I didn't know to get to that part. My fingers curled around my pen in frustation before scribbling out my weak attempts.

The short thing up there? Its not the poem I want to write. I had a title for it. The Curse of the Imagination. I wanted to write on how it creates butterflies, plots and such wonders. But then it also pave the road to disappointment.

Le sigh.

I'll just let it stew around more before attempting it again

Music Lessons Planning.

One of the biggest regrets of my childhood is the fact that my parents didn't sent me to any musical classes. No piano lessons, violins or even tap dance.

There might be a slight bit of resentment since my brother took guitar lessons for about 2 years at an age where I begged my parents to let me take drum lessons. But with myself approaching the next phase of my life aka workinghood, I know that I might be able to pay for those lessons myself.

But the thing is that I don't have a specific instrument in mind. I also don't think I'm up to learning from the very bottom. I'm more of the person who listens to a song and thinks "I wish I can play this song on a piano/guitar/drum set/violin."


For instant, I want to be able to tell people that I can play Vivaldi's Storm on a violin. *imagines Mokesart smacking the back of my head, telling me to aim for something easier*


Or, to play the guitar to Hey Monday's 6 Months. Or the drums for Fun's We are Young. Of course, let's not forget some Taylor Swift's songs.


I think apart from Storm, most of the songs I want to learn aren't that complicated (Might be very wrong since I'm music blind)


So if I ever get married to a music-inclined person Mokesart, I'll make him teach me what I can before finding me hot instructors. That is, after he teach me how to pirate properly and not just listen to the wonderfully addictive song.

Do what you want, Cause a pirate is free, You are a pirate *dances to the song*

Heartbreak: Hanis.

Someone sent me a message through this link here and that led to some emailing back and forth. Which led to me asking for blogging ideas. She suggested:

How does a heartbreak feel like?



Well.


It feels similiar yet different every time, like different brands of milk chocolate bars for the chocolate lover.

The last one that was strong enough to physically hurt me reminded me of the one I went through when No 3 dumped me.


I'm not one of those women who's all for women power, listening to "I Will Survive" while talking about how its his loss barely a week after the break and I'm not embarassed about that. I admire girls who can do that though but I don't want to be like that.

I'm very emotional and I cry while screaming soundlessly into my pillow. I tear up while studying/doing chores. I let myself feel every single hurt. Dwell over the thoughts. I listen to "Unbreak My Heart" over and over. Isn't it bad for me? Perhaps. But its a part of me, just like the part that made me write poems and stories inspired by the guy I have intense feelings for.


So how does a heartbreak feels like to me?


Like I'm being broken to pieces before being put back, a bit different than before. Fragile but stronger.


Its like a bitter rebirth.

Writing this was an experience that made me look into myself. Maybe you should try it. How does a heartbreak feels like? If you haven't experienced one, how do you think it would feel like? Do write a post on this. You don't even have to post it. Just tell me.

Losing Followers. It Never Gets Easier.

To the 4 people who decided to unfollow my blog in the month of May, I thank you.

Why? For breaking my heart and making me wish the number of followers is actually my weight in lbs.

If you followed due to me following you while I was on my commenting spree, you might have unfollowed me due to my lack of comments now. I read. But due to my busy schedule, I don't comment much.

But yes, you made a BIG mistake. You lost a great blog to read in your boredom. Boohoo.


To my other followers, I love you.

50 Things I Wish I Can Say/Do.

Here's the list. Writing it was interesting. Things I never thought of just came up. I didn't write the list down in order because that's just the way I'am.

I had Mokesart take a look at it, in case any of those 50 things didn't count. So please enjoy this list and perhaps tell me if any of them might also be something you wish you can say/do.

1. Go up to this one girl and tell her off for being such a holier-than-thou born again who so deserves a bitch slap for what she did to a friend of mine.

2. Be brave enough to ask a guy out, not choke on my words the way I did the other day. (Why did I even think about it?)

3. Side parking.

4. Reverse parking.

5. Being able to go into a bookstore and choose a book under ten minutes.

6. Tell that ex crush of mine that I was clearly high on something during my very brief interest on him.

7. Laugh off any comments about my weight.

8. Send a message to someone who used to be one of my closest friend and tell her that perhaps, we should have kept in contact.

9. Not let that someone put down everything I say about food/ what I like to eat.

10. Go bungee jumping at the theme park .

11. Finish my novel, Xandria.

12. Hug Louis Tomlison one day and get hugged back.

13. Stop fearing rejection.

14. Get in contact with a Jenny who I was friends with in Eakin Elementary.

15. Look up this one Matthew I had my very first crush on at the tender age of 7 and accuse him of setting the standard for phsyical attraction tell him of the childish crush that lasted for 2 years.

16. Sew, even a button is enough for me.

17. Brush the back of my hand against his, again.

18. Compile a collection of my short stories and notes on them.

19. Have a date at a theme/amusement park where we'll try to ride all the thrill rides.

20. Not having to execute Plan C which in turn makes him not having to execute his Plan B.

21. Talk to No.1.

22. Do that ridiculous thing I did last year. (While ignoring that I failed that time.)

23. Proudly tell people in my life that yes, I write and I hope to make something out of it one day.

24. Tell my Additional Math teacher who had told me that I would never be pursuing something that uses advanced mathematical skills due to my poor grades (due to her poor teaching skills and obvious preferences for smart students) that I'm in my final year for a Bachelor's Degree in Actuarial Science. HAH. Take that.

25. Join in a Speakers' Corner, even once.

26. Start small talk with strangers or semi-strangers.

27. Draw a perfect circle in one try.

28. Lose that bet.

29. Keep a diary and write in it for a year. (Last time I did that, I was a mere teenager with the need to write down every single feeling)

30. Stay up all night, watching the stars with someone I feel comfortable with.

31. Fill up my Travel Tin within 2-3 years which will take a lot of will power.

32. Feel that flutter in my heart.

33. Look into a mirror without thinking a single criticism.

34. Tell him that he was the first person ever to made me blush.

35. Tell one girl from high school in a face to face conversation that I feel sorry for her and her matryr behaviour.

36. Keep on remembering certain people by the way they smell.

37. Finish writing that "Dream Partner" essay that's been sleeping in one of my folders for about 2 years now.

38. Tell him that "I'm beautiful and you're just blind and dumb not to agree with that.".

39. Tell some people that they clearly underestimate my growing up as a person when they're the ones who's still stuck in high school mode.

40.Tell that someone that I think they're just desperate, grasping at any opportunity.

41. Go up to this one person and tell them "Hey you. More attention on me. Thank you."

42. Tell my homeroom teacher in 5th grade what every student in the school was thinking when we were told that she'll be moving to some war-torn country due to her husband's job.

43. Stop dreaming of certain people then analysing the meaning behind those dreams.

44. Tell some people I know that they're too materialistic, considering their background.

45. Walk into a room/around places with people without imagining the bad things those people are thinking about my appearance.

46. Tell off someone who smokes around non-smoking people.

47. Read a book without peeking aka reading the last chapter just to know the ending before I get there.

48. Stop caring what relatives think about me. (I'm the black sheep on one side, the loser/boring one on the other.)

49. Call him and tell him thank you for giving me one of life's experiences.

50. Successfully bake a cake (My baking failure it seems)

Birth of the Travel Tin

I went out with a classmate during a nice afternoon due to that day's 4pm class being cancelled. We took 2 bus, walked a bit and went into different stores. We first found ourselves captivated by a home deco house, my mind filled with ideas of decorating my own house one day.

Then, we went to this store known for its 5 ringgit items and that's where we went wild finally took out our purses.

I was tempted by this print of a painting of a woman in a cream dress, a big hat that covers most of her face except for the bottom. Then I was tempted by the collection of make-up bags.

But then I saw the best thing ever. On a shelf were a row of piggy banks shaped like one of those collection tins. What caught my eye was the design, how every tin had a well-known landmark of a city and its name.


I know, its SO coooool, right?

Haha. I bought it, for a mere 5 ringgit with a purpose in mind.

I'm going to fill it up until its so heavy, until I can't even fit in the smallest coin. Then, I'll smash it open so I can use the amount for my first ever travel, location to be determined.

It might be used for the airplane ticket, or it might be my food money, or my shopping money (I seriously doubt that) or it might just be a fraction into the whole budget.

So I'll be starting it this Friday once I finish my studying week, pushing in my balance into it every other week so I'll still have money on hand to buy anything aka books/iced chocolate drink/cakes.

You guys are of course most welcomed to send in money so I can put it in my Travel Tin

Here's to the hopeful weight increase of my Travel Tin.

Confession No.36

If something doesn't happen soon, I'll scream.

I swear I will.

Or I might just end up doing something extremely stupid.

Blindness Inspired by House and #32.

First of all, I don't mean any insult to law majors. Or any of the other majors I mentioned. I wrote this short fic few weeks ago, the prompt taking me into a whole new plot. While writing this, I was enjoying House MD where the sexy Gregory House had a stick and a badass attitude. I name him the inspiration to the character. Do enjoy. Comment.




#32

Oh god, another party where I'm the only blind person. Well, maybe, since in the past 20 minutes, no one has told me about the other blind person in the room. I also didn't see anyone with a walking stick and a vacant look in their eyes so far. Joke.

The lady in front of me sounds like a law major to me. You know. Full of herself, talk in such a beat-around-the-bush manner while exuding such charm. Not that I have anything against law majors but there has to be a law somewhere that forbids such ego building in someone.

Smiling at something witty she just said, I wondered if she's a brunette with green eyes. I should slip that in sometime tonight. Oh yes, being blind does seem to let me get away with certain things. Such as asking things bluntly.

"So, what are you majoring in?"

"Well, blindness."

I can practically see the horror on their faces. Joke. The law major made a tittering sound, as if considering how to move the topic while the guy beside her chocked back a laughter. Well well, her boyfriend seems to possess more humour than her.

"Did I say blindness? I mean History."

Relief coursed through the air as I paid attention to the boyfriend's voice. It was not too deep, full of long sss. Interesting. He doesn't sound like a law major to me. Too laid back. Tilting my head slightly in a fake interest of the conversation, I tried imagining the guy. Blond wavy hair, careless smile. Perhaps an ink on his biceps. Math major. They won't last the year.

"Excuse me, I see my friend calling me over from the bar."

My departure was awesome. Laughter and the feeling of being insulted lingered around them. My usual preference. Holding onto my walking stick, I raised my glass of virgin mary for a sip. No alcohol for me. Can't drink and drive. Joke.

The lack of tap-tap-tapping of my stick told me the house had carpeting, not too lush though
since my heels didn't sink in. The party was building up, judging by the number of "Ouch" I'm
getting and the number of people that keep bumping into me.

Hello, blind person here. Can't you see?

The air smell like the food. Mexican. Oh god, I'm hungry. Sniffing the air, I made my way towards the source, the taste of tacos already in my mouth. My eagerness made me bump into someone with my elbow digging in their side.

"I'm so sorry. I'm just too excited for the buffet table and well, I can't see you."

"Its okay. Do you need any help?"

Sincerity in voice? Check. Oh and that heavenly cologne? Maybe. I liked his voice enough to slide my hand around his elbow, the glass of virgin mary held firmly. He led me towards the buffet table, the smell getting more intense. Oh yes, he wears such wonderful cologne.

"I see that you have excellent taste in shoes."

Fetish. Or being nice.

"Well, I trust the shop assistant when she described them to me."

"Wise. Cuts down the shopping time I imagine."

Tap-tap-tap.

"Of course."

From the way he's talking, I'm guessing he's a Business major. Low, soothing tones. Based on my experiences, the Business major guys are the best in the sack. They just make me see fireworks. Joke.

The end of my walking stick hits the leg of a chair and the hold of his hand led me to sit on said chair. The thud of the glass in front of me.

"So, its Mexican. One of everything?"

"Yes. You can share some if you want."

My flirting skills needs some refining. I'm just so used to being blunt with guys because hey, I am one gorgeous of a specimen. Even though I can't see the proof of it myself. But by the chuckle Mr Business Major just gave, I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing fireworks. Not that soon, I'm not easy.

The music over here was a bit louder, a mix of current hits and classics. Bobbing my head to the tune, I eavesdropped on nearby conversations.

"I've been sending in my CV to Wall Street firms."

"He proposed to me last week."

"Have you sent in the assignment for Willis' class?"

Just a bunch of final year students in this mixer party. Pre-networking, that's what the law
major had mentioned earlier. Resting my walking stick against the table, I turned my head to the side, listening for the approaching footsteps of my new companion.

"Hello there."

Curious by the unknown voice, I turned my face towards the source, my lips in a small polite smile.

"Hello."

Deep, dark and confident. I'm pretty sure he has sky blue eyes and dark blond hair that looks
so soft.

"I've noticed that you been staring at me from across the room."

Oh shit. Out of all people in this bleeding party that I was blindly staring at, it had to be the good looking jock with plenty of ego?

How do I deal with this? Where is my food anyway?

Clearing my throat, I put on what I hope is my nice face. My don't-think-I'm-a-bitch face.

"I think there's a mistake."

"No no, no need to be shy. I know I'm attractive-"

"But-"

"Someone like you can't just resist staring."

"Someone like me?"

Oh ho ho. That is an insult. I know insults when I see one. Joke.

"Well, someone who's not on the higher shelf, like me. But not to worry, I'm not that picky."

Political science.

"Oh how lucky am I."

"Not many appreciate that part of me."

Too dumb to catch the sarcasm. Hmm. What major can this idiot be in?

"Poor you. But there's something you should know about me first."

Smile. Footsteps approaching from behind me, accompanied by the sounds of plates being balanced. Oh, my saviour.

"What is it?"

Tilt of my head.

"I can perfectly see the ugliness of your personality."

"Excuse me, that is-"

"Even though I'm blind as a bat."

The sound of two plates being set on the table, a chair pulled back and shifting as someone sat on it. Oh, there's that heavenly cologne. Widening my smile, I tilted my head up a bit. Just to show the blank look of my eyes.

Silence. Huff. Retreating footsteps of anger. Chuckle.

"I got you extra salsa since they looked very delicious."

"You're a man after my heart."

"For the salsa?"

Even blind, I can see the sparks between us.

"Maybe."

Smiling, I felt around for the fork before his hand held onto my wrist, placing the utensil on my palm.

"We should see if you'll like my taste in sushi, chocolate and music."

"Just don't take me to an art exhibit."

I Put a New Page. Boom.

I made a new page. Do visit it, all the time. Mr Tomlison would love it.

Hot, Froyo, Tommo.

This is Wednesday's dinner. I know some of you think McDonald's is yucky. Well, I think pork/beer/Burger King/strawberry milk/white chocolate is yucky so we're even. Chicken Foldover is perhaps the best thing ever to appear on the menu, well, apart from the fries (heaven sent). It was taken off the menu few years ago but it came back on Tuesday for limited time.

I suggest we go make a demonstration in front of the McDonald's place to keep it on the menu, while kicking out Big N' Tasty off.

It is so hot over here. I feel like drowning myself in a bathtub of melting ice cubes. My face is itching because apparently, I've consumed too much cookies over the past week. Some parts of my face are red. *cries*

I've done 30% of the list. Its harder than I thought because I'm trying to avoid:

"Tell that girl she's sooo overvaluing her looks."

"Tell that guy he's a jerkface."

"Tell that other girl that I think her boyfriend must be blind, deaf and so desperate."

Yes, it would be easy to do that but I don't want people to think I'm just full of hate for others.

I borrowed 4 books from the library on Thursday, received some ebooks from a wonderful friend on the same day which leaves me with enough books to not study. Haha. He even offered to email me more, tempting me by listing out titles and series I've never read/heard of which made me panicked.

"OMG, there's SO many books I haven't read yet."

I finally told him to stop it till I'm done with my finals. Which is in end of June till mid July. Which reminds me that I should try to beg persuade my parents to get me an ebook reader for this birthday. Mama told me I should work and buy it myself. Hmmf.

Today I went out with Mama and bought myself some froyo. Which then made me think of:

"You say YOLO, I go FROYO."

Hah. I know.

I don't get the whole YOLO thing. Whenever I say it, I think my facial expression matches Spongebob's whenever he's being extremely annoying. Yesterday, a friend said it to me while telling me to do something which the thought alone makes me cringe and want to hide under my bed.

YOLO my foot. I'll stick to froyo. Chocolate, vanilla and red velvet. Oh such goodness. Much better than some overdecorated muffin which people pay 5 ringgit for. WTF is that? Its sweeeet and well, 2 bites and I'm done with it.

When I was in Nashville, cupcakes were muffins with some creamy icing on it and those sugar balls. Nothing taste as good as those, especially today's "cupcakes" aka muffins in make-up. You guys are alll being fooled to pay more (dramatic).

To end this post, I'm giving you a picture of my lovely husband to be.

See, he agrees. Oh Mr Tomlison <3.

Confession No.35

Oh that flutter in my heart,

You got me so flustered.

If I Had More Money.

Prompted by this.

If I had more money, I'll buy myself a nice bookcase, to display my books.

Or I'll buy myself an e-book reader.

Or I'll save most of it for that future trip of mine, destination unknown.

Or I'll buy myself clothes.

Or diet pills

Or I'll buy more books.

Or I'll treat my family to lunch.

First of all, define "more money".