My SOA exam is this Thursday and I feel like closing my book, tuck into bed while watching Sinister and Futurama in between reading The Selection by Kiera Cass. No, I'm not ready.
There are optimistic people.
There are pessimistic people.
And then, there's the realistic people.
I'm of the third group. I've never been one to hope for the best and expect the worst. I try to stand back, evaluate the variables, my efforts and any wild cards before coming to a conclusion of how a situation might end like.
Case in point:
Every semester, during the study week before finals, I'll do a small simple Excel spreadsheet with my subjects and the credit hours each carry. I'll first do a table of what I hope my grades would be, and in turn would show what I hope my GPA would be.
Then, as I study and cry, I'll change those grades one by one to what I might get with the amount of studying I've done. And after sitting for each paper, I'll change the grades again to include how I felt I did for the subject.
I never go all "Alright, I'm going to aim for 3.8 this semester." because darling, that is just putting myself up for dissapointment. I rather aim low, get higher. Its not that I don't push myself. I do. I push myself so much but without letting myself have that false hope.
So, every semester I'll see what grades I need to get to get a 3.5 GPA . And that will be the minimum grade. If I felt I did badly for a paper, I'll adjust an upcoming subject's grade and increase my studying for it.
The way I see it, I'm not going to end up crying so much at the D-Day of results. And it works fine for me.
Which is why I know that for this upcoming SOA paper, which it is the norm for people to fail the first time around, I'll be failing it.
Don't think "Stop being so negative Hanis.". Because I alone know how much I've studied. How much I've neglected. How taking a SOA paper in one's final semester is the stupidest thing to do, unless you're really really really smart.
I'll go into the hall on Thursday, head held high and with the opinion I'm doing this for the experience. Not many are willing to even try taking it and here I'am, staring at my 734 page text book thinking of this Saturday's book shopping trip.
And now I shall go and try to understand Chapter 5 before abandoning it for 6 and 7.