Warning: This might be seen as an emo-ish, sad-ish,self-absorbed-ish,angst-ish and others. Do skip if its not to your liking.
There's this feeling where to describe it, I have to use a Malay saying.
Tepuk sebelah tangan
It means, clapping with only one hand. Which, is not going to make any sound, unless you're clapping your hand against a hard surface. People use that saying mostly to talk about unrequited interest/love. It needs two to tango. And so on. You get me?
No, I'm not specifically talking about that but, the feeling is nearly similiar. You feel .. stupid. As if, you're the only one who gives a care about the ... thing between you. You were fed with false hope, your own mainly came from their lies and tales on how much they care. And one day, when you're in deep, when you know that you're hooked, you realise the truth.
You're like standing there and you see it. Just how much of a fool you're making of yourself. That you feel as if this is, if asked, how you'll write a letter to said person.Do you get the feeling right now?
Mozart asked me who am I talking about this morning. But I have this tiny thing called ego. But I assured him its not him.
To that person, thank you very much. Last time I felt like this was a year ago, when I was with No.3 and everyone knows what an idiotassholejerk he was. I would like to say that you're better. But who knows, right? Am I mad at you?(Is known for being mad emotionally at people so easily) No, I'm not. More of mad at myself. Am I sad? Of course.
So I promise you today, I won't seek you out. I won't talk to you unless you do. I won't wish you luck though I always will in my heart. I won't tease you about that roommate of yours. I won't let myself be pathetic again.
Putting it simply, if you care/want me, you have to start. Until then, I'll miss you.
Mozart helped me with a line this morning, on what to say to that person but for now, ignorance is really what one should achieve. Not dislike/hatred. Though a part of me is so tempted to, oh well.