If You're One of Those Nature Guys, I'll Have to Break Your Heart.

I'm not a nature loving person. Don't get me wrong. I'm all about saving the trees and so on. I'm not an enviromentalist or a tree-hugger but I'm not some ignorant person who keeps the air-conditioning turned on the whole day.


What I mean is that, well, guys, never ever ever think hiking will be a good idea of a date with me. I'm not a girl that shrieks when she breaks her nail just someone who prefers being indoors.


I don't sweat and end up looking like a hot sex fantasy.

I don't still smell like perfume after that hike.

I'm not that agile girl who never falls or trip as she makes her way on nature walks.

You get me?


Of course, I've been on forced by friends to join in school camping trips for about enough times to last my whole lifetime a number of times. It was fun. But not when the leeches attacked me. Or when the mosquitoes decided to have a Hanis buffet. Or during that time the river went wild, swept me downstream and made me hang on for dear life on a branch before coming out barefooted. Not even when frogs decided to hop into the tent.


Yes, I think nature is hopelessly in love with me. Its .. kind of one-sided, don't you think? If it was from an individual, I would be able to file a stalker claim. Get some kind of " You can't be within so-and-so from Hanis," thingie on the person. But, this is nature. So what do I do? I stay away from activities that will put me on its mercy.


Sometimes, when there's a waterfall involved, I'll be tempted. My sense of survival dies resolve weakens and I'll agree. More often than not, I'll trip over a big big big rock tiny pebble and get stains on my knees. If I'm lucky(which means everytime) I'll get a cut and bruise, along with blood stains. Yes, I have ugly knees. But, come on, the waterfall will be awesome. Except for that time when there was a toad swimming beside my face.


Guess who screamed and ran out which lead to hysteria among the other girls until the place is empty?


A friend once asked me if I wanted to join a little trip to the beach. No thank you. Unless there's hot white guys in flowery designed swimming trunks, awesome sunnies and six pack abs wandering around, then no. Why?


1. I hate sand. They get everywhere. Especially there. And it sticks to your feet. Which makes your footwear sandy. Which is icky.

2. Sun. We all know how Hanis avoids the sun. And no one wants to take a big big umbrella and let me hide under it.

3. The salty water. Enough said.

4. There might be small animals that will climb up your legs as you frolick in the water before sneakily getting higher and higher, aiming for there.

5. There might be sharks that will eat me up when everyone else is busy so I'll mysteriously dissapear until my half eaten carcass ends up at some shore


I'll just stick to swimming pools. With a lifeguard nearby. And no sand. Or sharks. Just to be safe.

Basically, this is a tip for the guys out there who's secretly admiring me. No hiking, trips to the beach sort of thing. If you still want something to do with nature, ask me and I'll think of something. I'll try.

And when you're done reading this, do head over to Mozart and spam his cbox. Or leave a comment. Because:

"Everytime someone leaves me a comment, I feel like God,"

"Oh really?"

"It's -"

"Then I make you feel like God most of the time."

I know, that sounds so wrong. Like, terribly wrong. But imagine if leaving a comment makes him feel like God, what will being a follower makes him feel like?

I'm still stumped over that.

Oh well.

Peace Out.