Confession No. 6

Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I wince and grimace.

I get the urge to smash the mirror into pieces or hold back from eating.

The worst came to me covering my mirror with a towel.

Now I just shake my head and concentrate on the good parts.

I'm fucking gorgeous.

Kicked Out Of My Own Room

We have a cleaner come in every Monday morning and she's a godsend! Well, to me she is. Thanks to her my bathroom is clean for half the week without an effort from lazy me. Thanks to her my room is less dusty until Sunday where Mama will tell me to clean my room.

Do you, like me, see what's wrong there? Clean my room a day before the cleaner comes in? I'll deprive her of her fun. Not that she's lacking any due to having the whole house to clean. Two floors, 3 rooms, 3 bathrooms, 2 living rooms,one big kitchen and the yard as well. Oh wait, I forgot the dining room.

Cause right now I'm sitting at the dining table with my laptop and phone. Mama and the lil bro are going out to do some chores (making a key for Dad and getting breakfast) while I'm left at home with the cleaner. Why am I not in my wonderfully pink room?

The cleaner kicked me out.

"Go go go, You're not needed here,"

Perhaps I should start from the moment she arrived.

I was enjoying my cornflakes + chocolate chips when Mama told her that she wants to paint the upper walls behind my wardrobe. Which is the home to bags and boxes. So she took them down and Mama and I went through them. Sorting to Junk and Treasure. It was very very dusty.

The cleaner then forced us to let her paint the piece of wall. Fine. Then Mama got the brilliant idea of asking me:

"Hanis, do you want to move your bed around?"

"I can move it for you,"

And that's how I got kicked out. She told me to take my laptop, my phone and go elsewhere.

I still haven't showered =.=

I can hear her vaccumming now.

And while I type this out, I'm listening to this song and the next door cat doing a mating call.

I know, extremely fun.

Speaking of fun, I better go do my chores.

Peace Out.

Being a Meal Picture Taker.

That is my breakfast today.

I thought of taking a picture while scattering a handful of chocolate chips.

Yes, those are chocolate chips in my cornflakes.

Yum.

My Dad is Amazing. Read On.

Earlier, Mozart and I was playing this Name an Animal from A-Z game. It was a fun way to pass the time and release our poor souls from boredom. The rule was that we couldn't get help. From Google or anything.

So it went on well. I got stuck at N for a bit until I said Natterjack. Which is a toad. Thank you Enid Blyton. It went well until we got to U. The dreaded U. It was Mozart's turn (yes, I just love saying his name, you would too) so we were thinking. The obvious answer was there but it was a myhtical creature. That's like saying Phoenix for P. Or Hippogriff for H. It got to the point of me asking Dad for help.

Scene

Hanis in her room, sitting on her bed with lappy on lap. While Dad is outside watching tv.

"Dad.What's an animal that starts with a U?"

"A what?"

"Animal that starts with a U"

"Unicorn!"

"That's a myhtical creature!"

"Still,"

It got me laughing and Mozart googled, apparently there's 2 answer. Unicorn and Urchin.

Like, Urchin? Most of us would think Sea Urchin.

But anyway, it was my turn for V. I decided to ask dear old Dad again.

"Dad. An animal that starts with a V"

And he said with no hesitation at all.

"Voldemort!"

Dad, I love you for knowing just how much your daughter is obsessed with Harry Potter.

And this is the man who came to me before the 7th book came out and speculated a Star Wars twist. You know, Voldemort coming up to Harry and saying "Harry! I'am your father!".

Peace Out.

Butterflies In Your Tummy. Tell Me.

Its not always rainbows and butterflies,
Its compromise that moves us along.


Do click on this before you read. Thank you.


I'm going to talk about butterflies. Not the ones flying/fluttering around in gardens. But the ones you get in your tummy when you're happy. Or in a lovey dovey mood.


Yes, those butterflies. So, I was wondering and have asked some people this one question.

What colour(s) would your butterflies be?

There have been some simple answers. Some beautiful answers. And of course, I've met a couple of people who were confused and told me:

"How should I know what colours would they be?"

Fail.

But then, those pretty answers are the ones that made me smile and go awwwwwww.


"Green and purple with spots. That's what I imagine flying around inside me" - Mozart

"Blue and green. I think those butterflies are pretty" - Ben ( Team Ben FTW)

"Lilac and light green" - Noelle

"Red. The colour of your heart, love and passion" - Beast Master. *giggles to myself*

"The colours of a sunset" - A guy I can't remember who.


Beautiful, right?

So I was wondering, what would yours be? Yes you. The person reading this. I do hope you'll hit that comment button and tell me. Pretty please. I'll give you my godchild (again) if you do so.

And oh yes, what colours are my butterflies?

Every shade of green and blue.

*smiles*

Peace Out.

Confession No.5

I'm pretty happy right now.

Like smiling like an idiot happy.

Went to bed smiling.Woke up smiling.

God, please let this one last.

Letter to Someone Who Used to Be on My Contacts.

Dear Person Who Used To Be on My Contacts List,

Yes, I deleted you after a while of not talking. And you plainly know its not my fault. A few weeks of saying "Hi,", "Hello,", "Heya," or any other greeting and getting none in return clearly means one thing.

But silly Hanis thought perhaps you were busy. Until I found out you can still have conversations with a mutual friend. What's up with that? One conversation, I can get. But multi convos? I don't fucking get that.

Perhaps you can tell me if I was being creepy, clingy, needy or just plain bored you to tears? The message you were trying to sent to me by ignoring me really hits home when you just logged off after I said "Hi," You were having such a nice time being online an hour but then I had to disturb your peace of mind.

God, just block me will you? But don't worry, I already deleted you. So don't expect getting messages from me anymore. Wow, you must be relieved and happy, thinking "Finally, the bitch gets it!". Yeah, I got it. I got that you didn't like talking to me as much as I do talking to you.

And this is just to add on some guilt to you. It fucking hurts to be ignored by you. And yes, blame my "tender sensitivity" or what the fuck it can be called as but I got sad. Oh wait, you don't care at all. Totally slipped my mind. Silly me. Talk to you later. Not.

With regret,

Hanis.

Confession No.4

I really hate it when people push me to do something.

Cause most of the time, I'm too fucking nice to say no and dissapoint them.

Of Ambitions- I'm Still Looking!

When I was 7, I remembered being in class when the teacher asked the oh-so-expected question in her kind motherly voice (seriously, best teacher ever):

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Of course, the typical answers were teacher, doctor, policeman and mostly what their parents do, you know? So when it came to me, I stood up in my blue pinafore, hair in two braids tied in white ribbons, looking so damn cute and answered very politely:

"I want to be a religious teacher,"

Or more known as the Islamic Studies teacher.

I don't remember the reaction back then, but whenever I tell my friends about that noble ambition now, they'll end up laughing so hard. Mama laughed too hearing it.

I'm not religious. But my basics are strong. And even though I don't do much, I know what's wrong or right. And yes, I have a good memory when it comes to memorising so I usually get, wait, always get A's for that subject in high school.


When I turned 12, I wanted to be a doctor. I was smart. And naive. So I held onto that ambition till I was 16. What made me change my mind? Biology. The first day of studying it, I flipped through the book and closed it, my mind made up.

Goodbye doctor.

But when I was 14, I entertained a brief idea of becoming a fashion designer. I even had a book full of drawings. Let's just ignore the fact that I can't bloody sew. Its so bad that I can't even thread a needle. But there I was, daydreaming of becoming a fashion designer.

A year later, I wanted to be a radio dj. Shy quiet Hanis. Yes. I don't even have to explain.

So, after I gave up my doctor career, I flirted with so many ideas for about two years.

Engineer- I hate phsyics

Lawyer- Memorising and talking?

Nurse- Taking care, being gentle and patient? More likely I'll give them a heart attack. I don't deal well with sick people.

Singer- Don't ask.

Computer programmer- Everyone is doing that. Well, not everyone, but you get me.

Rich person- Perfect. But where to get the cash inflow?


And it went on and on and on.

Right now, I'm doing actuarial science. And if I'm blessed, I'll be an actuary one day. One day. When I secretly want to be a writer with best selling books.

Is that a proper ambition?

What about being Marky Mark's girl?

Or wait, Mrs. Draco Malfoy?

I think I can proudly say my ambition is to be Mrs. Draco Malfoy.

Muahaha.

Peace Out.

Long Distance Relationships. Love-Hate Them.

Yesterday, while scrubbing off paint from my windows ( Don't ask, blame my hand for brushing up against the windows), I had my headphones on, listening to a morning show on my favourite radio station. And somehow, that day's topic was long distance relationships.

I wanted to bang my head on those windows but since I was sitting on top of a ladder, it would be unwise. I don't want to fall on to a floor covered with paint splattered newspapers. Why did I have such a reaction you wonder?

Hmm. Let me see.

Maybe that my attempts at it failed? Brilliantly I might add.

So I might get a bit cynical at the mention of LDR but I still believe in it. I still think it can work, depending on few things.

1. If you guys started as a normal relationship and then one of you have to move or go study abroad, most of the time, it doesn't work. You're just too used to having them there that the absence is just too obvious. And even if you guys manage to stick through till the end, just remember, people change.
2. Trust. Interest. Honesty. That's the main components needed for a LDR to make it.
3. And honestly, if both people want it to happen, it will. Its when one starts to doubt that the relationship gets wonky.

So will I give it another go if I do have a chance? Yes. But that person has to be special. Like, nothing at all like No.3. Or as Noelle said:

"Its easy finding someone better than him. He's that bad."

I love you bestie.

I've been asked why don't I try SDR. I haven't found anyone of interest nor have anyone nearby found me so. I do sometimes just want to reach out and hold hands. Not just pretend to feel and do so.

Not just type *hold hands* and be happy with that.

Damn it. My "I wanna be loved" phase is coming back. I can feel it.

*kicks it and locks it in a trunk,shoving into a dark dark room*

There, done.

Going back to the morning show I listened to, a girl called and she has been in one for 4 years and its going strong. They meet often as this American boyfriend of hers has a business in Indonesia so he pops over to meet her.

Yes, I was so jealous and envious I wanted to smack something. But then, I'm glad that someone's having it well even though I don't know them.

Now, where is my prospective boyfriend? *sighs dramatically*

Peace Out.

Pink. Well, Not Much.

You guys asked for it. So prepare to have your eyes burned be amazed at the new walls of my room. But first, I do apologize for the messy looking pictures. I took them after waking up and being a messy person, you can just imagine how messy my room is.

Yes, that's the headboard part of my bed. Yes, that's my towel. Yes, I have blue curtains with pink walls. And yes, its two shades.

No, that's my dad's golf clubs. Yes, he doesn't play anymore. So my room is like a storing place. That white thingie near the golf clubs? A signed poster of Westlife. And that's my radio and book shelves. Yes, its messy. I'm still reorganising my room.

This is pure showing off. I'm still wondering why my aunt gave me a puzzle of Cinderella for my 6th birthday when its so clear that I love Ariel. We (My cousins and I) put it together, sticked on those jewel things and Mama got it framed. Like, 15 years ago. I'm gonna hang this on the dark pink wall, once I find a nail to bang into the wall.

I found a big basket, threw away the trash in it and put some of my books in them. The basket is on the floor, near my bed so I can just take one whenever I want to.

Closer look at the books.

I'm Buddies With Mozart.

Fuck yes I'am.

But not the dead one mind you. The Mozart I know is this Aussie dude, a music student. I know, you're probably rolling your eyes and think duh.

No Mozart is gonna be an accountant.

Well, I know someone will prove me wrong and drag out an architect named Mozart. Or something.

But what I'm trying to say that this guy is awesome. That's a given. Most of my friends are awesome.

Noelle.

Mamon.

Awesome people.

So are all of my followers.

Needs an amazing awesome person to know one, right? ;)

This is not me buttering you guys up.

The purpose of this post is to shamelessly promote Mozart's blog.

No, its not about music.

Its about random things. Far more serious than mine.

You so have to take a look.

I'll give you my godkids.

Brand New Room.Kinda.

I painted my room today. Its about 80% done. I know sometime in the near future, I'll look at my walls and resist the urge to smack my head against something hard. Multiple times. While muttering or screaming these 7 words over and over.

Why the hell did I choose pink?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen.

Hanis, the girl who don't do pink, chose pink for her room. In two shades! Once its all done and settled in, I'll try taking a picture to show you guys the pinkness of my room.


As in Mama's words:


"My daughter is becoming a true girl now!"

This Happen Everytime I Buy a Book.

Last Thursday, after such a wonderful sighting, Dad gave me about 40 Ringgit for a book. The usual price here is around 30-35 Ringgit. Your normal paperback book. So I headed to the book store, a big one with shelves and shelves of books and books. I was SET to buy another book of my Black Dagger Brotherhood Series.

There's currently 8 books in the series and in Malaysia, the 8th book is not available yet. I got 6 of them so I knew what I had to buy.

It was a simple process. Go to the romance section. And its always at the same place. The bottom shelf. I had a copy of Lover Unbound in my hand when I turned around and saw the opposite shelf was under the classical section. Penguins books. I saw Lolita.

I saw The Secret Garden.

I saw Jane Eyre.

And guess what? They were cheaper. About 8.50 ringgit per book. I was thinking to myself, hmmm I can get 4 books now.

But then what if I don't like them? I'll be banging my head against the wall for not buying Lover Unbound. By this time, I had Lolita in one hand and Lover Unbound in the other. With the fear of not liking the former, I put it back on the shelf.

Vampire romance win.

I then got the brilliant idea of browsing the other shelves. It was okay, with my brother dragging himself behind me. But then, I came to the Stephen King section.

Having read all the Wiki pages on his books during my internship, I had this longing to read/buy one of his books. So there I was, staring at the books, picking one up after another, reading the synopsis. I was wondering if I should get my first Stephen King book.

But then, I told myself

"Next time Hanis,"

Fine. I walked on and on. Feeling confident and strong this time, I browsed the books, Lover Unbound tight in my hand. That is until, I saw Jodi Picoult's books.

Damn it.

I love her books. I have 4 of them. Wait, 5 I think. And there were a new book. And I realised that I've neglected my soul for vampire romance. My soul needed something Jodi Picoult. It craves it.

This was a real battle. A struggle of which book to buy. I was there for more than 5 minutes when my brother took the vampire book and the money I had in my back pocket before striding off to the cashier. I watched with wide eyes, Jodi Picoult's book in one hand as he paid for my book and came back with the book, minus plastic bag.

"Easy, right?"

Thanks for taking away the fun of my book shopping.

Room Makeover Talk- 1

"Since you already sent in your report and everything, why don't we paint your room next week?"

My room was painted around a decade ago when the house were renovated. Its a nice blue colour. And no, its not a girly blue. its like a some kind of blue that matches a guy's room. I just love blue.

"No more blue Hanis,"

That was fine with me. I'm more mature now and I can live with other colours.

"We have to sandpaper your walls first,"

Oh shit. One wall, the upper half is covered with glow in the dark stickers. OH MY GOD. NO. Please no. Those are mine.

"Those stars will have to go,"

If its one of those hard, stick on stars it doesn't matter. I can reuse them. But these are stickers.*takes a deep breath*

Fine.

"What colour do you want?"

Now that's something to think about. No more blues. Hmm. So many colours.

"I don't want any green,"

"I want it two colours,"

"I want it to have a border wallpaper,"

"I want one of those pretty, fancy stick-on arts on the walls. I heard we can get it from IKEA,"

Mama had a look on her face. It said that her daughter is being way too demanding.

"I'm gonna need a colour catalogue,"

"No, we'll just see what the colours are at the shop,"

"I need to plan,"

"No, you don't. You'll probably be moving out in a couple of years time."


Mama: 1

Hanis: 0

HP Made Me Cry.

So, I just got back from watching Harry Potter and I totally teared up few times.

1. When Hermione obliviated her parents.
2. When Hedwig died.
3. The fight between Harry and Ron.
4. When Dobby died.

Don't worry, none of those are spoilers. Its all in the books. But hell, I cried at the last one. A proper tears running down cheeks.

Is it just me or is Bill Weasley very very attractive?

I'm Team Draco and 3 Other Guys That Died in HP.

A friend of mine watched Harry Potter last night and the first question I asked him, well second question was :

"Was there Draco in it?"

"Not much. Less than 5 minutes"


*is dissapointed*


Yes, I'm a Draco Malfoy lover.


Well, more like Team Draco.

And also, Team Sirius, Team Snape, Team Lupin.

I love those men.

Rawr.

But those last 3 died. And I cried. Till my eyes bleed.

Okay, not bleed, that was just to get the third line rhyme as well.

But I did cry.

And of course, I read fanfictions way back. And wrote some too.

If you ever wanna read those old stories written 4-5 years ago with plenty of mistakes them, just tell me so.

Peace Out.

Talking About My New Picture.

"Bestie Noelle, did you see my new blogger profile pic?"

"I didddd,"

"What do you think of it? My face has that perfect *I'm bored in the car, have nothing to do, oh look my phone has a camera* look on it,"

"It suits your blog :D "

*decides that means a good thing*

But now, after staring at the pic, which is pic 26 out of 30, taken in the span of 15 mins, I've decided that my face has the perfect "Oh look, I think my complexion looks better now, lets take a picture ri- OMG A SQUIRREL" look.

Am I right or not?

It reminds me of the movie UP where those dogs are constantly distracted by squirrels.

Of course, I cried watching that movie. Like, duh.

Peace Out.

Confession No.3

I'm dead scared of rejection.

Especially when it comes to people.

I need to be liked by others.

I Thought They Were Sold Out.

If its up to me, I'll be watching the new Harry Potter movie in two weeks. I'll just let all the buzz die down. Which means less standing in line waiting for tickets. And less being crowded by people who only watch the movies and not read the books.

Yes, I can go and pre-book the tickets but the online system only let you do that 2 days beforehand. If I want to, lets say buy one for next Friday, I have to go to the movie theather, get in line and buy the ticket. And that is a total fail since I don't want to line up. And since we can only book it 2 days before, the tickets are usuallllly sold out. Even with about 8 screenings per day.

But then, the parents want to watch it. Don't ask me why, I'm still puzzled. They want family time. So after failing to convince them that there is no hope of tickets until December, I logged onto my online account at the movie place. Tried getting some for Friday at 3pm.

"Sorry, this showing is fully booked,"

I wasn't suprised or dissapointed. It was expected. Mama was. She suggested me to wait till midnight so I can buy some for Sunday. I was thinking "As if they're not sold out,"


Did I stayed up till midnight?

Yes.

Did I book those tickets?

No. I was too lazy.


But this morning, Dad was like "Just try and see,"

Fine.

"Sunday at what time?"

"Noon,"

"Pfft, I bet my books they're sold out,"

*clicks the time and day, chooses 4 for number of tickets before clicking proceed*

*Clicks confirmed*

*Waits for news of rejection, again*

"Your reservation number is xxxxx. If tickets are unclaimed 45 mins before the showtime, they will be sold,"

My reaction?

O.O

I know.

So Sunday, here I come.