What is love? I used to be a hopeless romantic and then turned cynical and bitter. I fight to stand on the line between those two. I look at a bestie of mine and her boyfriend of 3 years and I know its love. I'm just waiting for their wedding announcement. And of course, my parents wants their invitation.
I gag sometimes at people that claim they're in love. I want to roll my eyes and tell them its lust. Its obsession. Its infatuation. Its not love, yet. But what is love? I don't know. I have no idea. We can't define it by a definition. Its just is love.
I have written stories of love. I've wrote on unrequited love. Friends that became more. Love between enemies. Love going through hardships. But have I experienced these? No. Well, apart from the first one.
I know just how it feels to know your love is unrequited. I've cried in the shower. I've felt that pain where you wish your heart can stop feeling. I've cried till I fell asleep. Cried so hard silently that my throat hurts with held back cries. I know how it is to stand in the sidelines, wanting to jump and scream
"Look at me! I love you. I'll make you happy,"
And in a moment of self pity, I've never felt to have my love returned. Truly returned. And letting out that hopeless romantic in me, I want that person to hold hands with. Hell, I want someone to grow old with. Someone who can take all of my bullshits and kiss me when I'm panicking.
But what is love? That's my question. I know there's no answer. No definite answer. That's my opinion. You just know it is love when you see it. You'll see it many times, everytime in a different mask.
No, I'm not desperate for someone. I still go through bouts of feeling lonely in between of my "I'm single and I'm fine" phases. I still get my hopes up for silly things before it crashes and burn. But I'm a fighter. I think. I don't give up even when I say I'am. I just keep on going. Just keep on letting my heart get hurt and bruised.
If I take care of it too much, it will be too delicate. I want to make it stronger. Make it better. Should I quote the saying
" We have to kiss so many frogs to get to our prince,"
"The wrong guys make us better for the right one,".
Both have the same message.
I bet this has been one confusing post to read. But then, love is confusing.